What have I been up to?

This is a great question.  I'm embarrassed that it has been over a year since I posted anything.  I apologize for running away.  I'm also embarrassed to say that I have written two or three posts that I never published on here.  Sometimes writing feels like a bowler's walk up to the line.  If the walk up is off, you just have to start over.  Deep stuff. ;)

So the last post I published was about things close to my heart.  I find it quite fitting for me that I would share intimately and then skip town for awhile.  One step forward, 365 back....something like that.  Speaking of moving backward or running away, a friend of mine was sharing some advice, and she said, "Find all the points of resignation in your life."  So find all the areas where I want to throw in the towel, where I say this isn't worth it because I'm scared, or I quit so I can start over somewhere else.  Let me be super honest with you.  One of those areas for me is relationships.  I've been single for a long time.  It's what I know.  It's what's familiar.  It's what is comfortable.  It's safe.  And I've been pretty darn good at controlling situations to keep it that way.  I get little crushes here and there.  I still have all those romantic feelings, but I have honed in the skill of squashing feelings and closing off my heart all in the name of "self-control" and "distractions."  I rarely get those crushes that stop me in my tracks.  Those crushes that bust through my system.  I have recently acquired one of those.

For your entertainment and my further processing, I've decided to record my experiences with this man.  Whether it's wrong or right for me to think this, I seriously doubt anything will actually happen with this one.  I will however remind you that this is coming from a perpetually single woman.  :)  I will keep this man anonymous so if you are a close friend/family member that knows his name please respectfully refrain from publicizing that information.  Thank you in advance for your compliance.

So here we go.  Let me first clarify how I perceive myself physically in regards to the opposite sex.  I think I am regarded by men as being "cute."  I think I am considered attractive.  I don't get "noticed," really.  I have a good friend who will also remain anonymous (*wink wink) that has had the opposite experience in this area.  She is regarded as "hot."  She gets ALOT of attention from men.  She's very used to being noticed.  And not in a "look at me, look at me," kind of way, just a factual "i get noticed" kind of way.  I will refrain from using quotation marks as much as possible going forward.  No but really, once when out to dinner my date said, "I don't think you're used to having someone look at you."  That is the truth.  I've gotten used to flying under the radar so it wigs me out to be spotted.  And it's not that I have a poor self image.  I'm just speaking from a history of largely going unnoticed for the most part.  I'm actually pretty thankful for it because it wouldn't be something I enjoy on a regular basis.  Guys, I wore red lipstick for Halloween because I was dressed up as Rosie the Riveter.  I got so much attention from males.  It was so weird!  I was constantly surprised.  I don't know how hot girls do it.  I'm not cut out for all that flirting.  I think I missed the class or seminar on flirting back in the day.  I must have been eating dessert in the cafeteria or practicing the flute in the band room or something.  Anyway, I'll start from the beginning in my next post about this whole crush thing.  Get ready to laugh and probably feel better about yourself. haha :)

God's teaching me alot through this situation specifically and writing it out is revealing more already.  So thanks for letting me air out these.........new clothes.

Tiny music update: I'm playing at Room 5 Lounge November 16th at 10pm with Cameron Ernst, a portion of "Peace" (a song on my EP) will be included in a film, I'll be featured in a song on a rap album! good stuff. more details later.

Tolmi update: He's got alot going on. :)

Oklahoma City and finally EP Release!

Oh guys we're to the end of the living room tour. My last traveling stop was in Oklahoma City with my good friends John and Rachel. Some history here, John (whom I refer to as my little brother) and Dustin (another brother) and I made up THE band, Beyond the Fleece. We recorded a little short album at the end of my college days at Drury. Here's a pic of us at our final show and album release. They teased me alot as brothers do and said our band was actually called, "Lee Ellen and the Boys." Great memories with these guys. The first song I had ever written was performed with them. We recorded at John's house, and he got to experience my unfiltered "recording studio" flip out from trying to record an original.....haha they put up with my shenanigans beautifully :c) Anyway, it was really great to play in his living room because he's been around from the beginning of my performances with instrumentation. He hasn't heard me in a few years though. It was great to hang out and play some covers we used to do together and his original "Seasons." Both "the boys" are married now and Dustin (pictured in the middle above) has a beautiful little girl! It's hard to believe we were college kids playing music in the little free time we had only five years ago. So I played in Oklahoma City Thursday night and drove back to Springfield Friday morning. I got back around noon to find my boxes of EPs had arrived so I frantically signed all the preorders and prepped for the EP Release! The venue was perfect, the crowd was perfect, the cookies my mom brought were perfect, the opening acts were perfect.......are you getting the idea? Everything was perfect! All the way down to the unidentified man that left in the middle of my set announcing to the crowd that he was a marine vet who killed people while we were safely sleeping in our beds. He left immediately after the statement so I squeaked out, "Thank you." And then after he walked out without thinking, I said into the mic, "I think he said he kills people, and I just said thank you...." My EP Release would not have been complete without that experience. And tons of my family came to show their support! Thank you thank you thank you to everyone for sharing that night with me. It is burned in my memory forever!!!

So this past Sunday I was stopped in my tracks by an honest and amazing seven year old. Whenever I sing at church, I am there early. Whenever I don't sing, I'm generally five minutes late. I noticed a trend of chatting with my little friend every week I am there early. This Sunday we talked about school and how she had learned her first Taylor Swift song on her pink guitar. I said something about how I enjoyed talking with her. And she said, "Sometimes I can't find you in the crowd." I knew the truth of that was that she couldn't find me because I either wasn't there or arrived too late to chat with her. Maybe that statement strikes a deeper chord than I can explain here, but I tell you what. Every Sunday I am in town, I will focus on arriving early on Sundays so she finds me in the crowd. :c) Here's a link to the love songlet I debuted at my release. video

HAPPY FALL EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Homeless? Get outta town!

Ok so I'm so close to catching up on blogging the living room tour experiences! On Monday, August 9th, I had the privilege of playing a living room concert in Springfield! It was so nice to play for friends. My young friend, Kenzie, played the first song she has learned on the guitar. I assure you she was the star of the evening. :) My friend, Jennifer Rodick, attended and sang harmony on a few little ditties.

As for the rest of my life at that point, I hadn't really thought about the fact that I needed to be moved out of the Potter's House by the end of that week so they could have the basement back for the beginning of the college fall semester. It is not like me to not plan AND worry about that impending homelessness, but I didn't. By Tuesday, I had two unsolicited "come live here" offers. Such blessings. Wednesday and Thursday I moved all of my things into my new "temp" place. Thursday evening my good friend, Catie Neuber, offered to do a photo shoot for me. My last music photos had been taken two years ago. Here's what she had to say: Catie Neuber Photography.

Friday, August 13th, I headed back to Kansas City. I was hosted by Dominic at a beautifully remodeled home in Overland Park! The house was packed and with mostly new faces to me. A new acquaintance I made that night requested this YouTube video. It was a great, intimate setting accompanied by a nice rain outside. :c) UNfortunately, the AC wasn't functioning properly leaving me a hot singing mess. Some in the audience, no doubt disgusted by my visual melt down haha, came to the rescue with an oscillating fan. So nice! Yay for fans! ;) ;) In all seriousness, it was so nice to play for a room of almost all strangers but somehow feel like I'd known them all for much longer.....must've been the sweat :) Even better, the night ended with a lovely PB&J made by the host for me. In true 'lee ellen' form, a spot of jelly ended up on my jeans. AND in the morning, Dominic made an amazing breakfast! It was a great beginning to my week of traveling. More to come on the ending of my living room tour with stops in Ashland, KS, Pine, CO, and Oklahoma City, OK.

Fast forward to the present, I played Artwalk this past Friday. I love playing outside. Thanks to all my lovely friends for stopping by! I think I'll play in some parks this fall just for fun. I'll be traveling to good ol' Oklahoma this weekend for my cousin's wedding. AND Jennifer Rodick will be doing a family photo shoot of MY family! We haven't had professional family photos in years!!! Life is good. Things are changing. Good changes. I'll let you know!

St. Louis.....Twice!

oh my GOODNESS! So much has happened since my last post, but I can't cheat the great things that happened in between by skipping them! So somehow I ended up with zero pictures from my St. Louis living room stops.... :c( You'll just have to really use your imagination!

So first stop was at Devin's. I usually don't eat much before a performance a) because I'm really nervous b) because nerves and food typically lead to belching which doesn't mix well with singing. Devin's mom made this yummy lasagna though. We all sat down to a nice.....full.....dinner. It was so good and she made brownies too. Shoot! They have some special name......for the brownies...... Anyway, so I HAD to have a brownie too! Man, that bugs me I can't remember what they were called. So after I am sufficiently stuffed, we move on to the concert part of the evening. I got to play in the sun room off the back of the house. Devin jumped in to sing some harmonies on the cover of "Many the Miles" with me. The concert was a success solely on the fact that I never burped in the middle of a song. haha It was a great night, and I had the privilege of visiting with Devin's family. I loved that aspect of the entire living room tour. They even gave me my own room for the night! I ended the night by shattering a glass in the bathroom after everyone had turned in for the night. I like to keep things interesting... ;) just kidding! Again, Devin, sorry for my clumsiness!! It follows me wherever I go. If I don't have a stain on my shirt, something is surely broken somewhere.....

My next show in St. Louis was at Nikki's house. Nikki and I go way back to freshman year at Drury. We ended up traveling together to Greece for a semester abroad. Nikki is Greek so was a HUGE help in the transition to the amazing Greek culture. We had many adventures all over the country. It all started with alot of snow falling our first night in Athens so we got hit by some snowballs by excited Greeks and got to see the Acropolis with a beautiful dusting of snow! I can't believe that was seven years ago!! Anywho, so Nikki and I have kept in touch, but not nearly as much especially after graduation. It was so fun to catch up on life and reminisce all of our fun times in Greece! And......I love learning languages so learning Greek in Greece was SO FLIPPING FUN!!! I haven't heard it much since I returned to the states obviously. Nikki invited alot of her family to the concert, and it was so so so wonderful to hear the Greek language all around me again. Oh and Nikki's mom gave me some Greek tea that she brought back from Greece. I fell in love with it when I was over there. It was so great to hang out with Nikki's family and friends. Unfortunately on both trips to St. Louis, I had to hurry back to Springfield so I didn't get to play in the streets for tips. I will definitely be back in St. Louis sometime. Hopefully, a venue will give me a chance!

Ok living room stop updates to come: Fayetteville, Van Buren (2 stops), Kansas City (again!), Ashland, Pine, Oklahoma City, and the EP release in Springfield!

I'm playing at Cider Days in Springfield on Sunday afternoon 4-5pm, September 19th, the Music at the Inn Stage. Thanks for your tremendous support!!! I had a couple of paying gigs this past weekend that brought in more than I made in a couple weeks at my old job. :c) That kind of makes THIS my job! It sure doesn't feel like a job though.....yippee!

N'awlins and a Concert

Helloooooooo!!! So the latest setback on the EP release is that I used a few stanzas of an old hymn in the bridge section of one of my tracks. Silly Lell here didn't do the proper homework thinking the hymn was old enough to be public domain. After doing the proper research, I discovered that the copyright was renewed in 1983, obviously retaining it's legal demand for royalties in this grand old year of 2010. Bottom line: I removed the hymn from the track and reworked some things in the studio to avoid any sort of copyright infringement. I was leaving for New Orleans when I found out all of this madness so I didn't make it into the studio until last Tuesday. The guy who has mastered the EP was out of town until yesterday. Therefore, I'm hoping to get "the call" that the mastered copy is ready....any......minute.....

So New Orleans.......awesomeness! I saw a long-time friend, met some great people, met some odd people, and met some creepy people. :c) This pic is from the first day I played out in the French Quarter. I played three separate times, in five varying spots, and for a total of about 6 hours. I had never really played on the streets for tips before, and wasn't sure what to expect. During those six hours, my faithful friend, Jennifer, filled out postcards with my social media links and passed them out to lingering listeners. I expected to get some smiles and a dollar here and there. I ALSO expected to see more street performers out there. Maybe it was too hot.....because it was HOT! The main surprises were how many individual conversations I had with people, a one hundred dollar bill tip, AND a police officer threatening to take me to jail. Before I played in the Quarter, one of Jennifer's friends warned me that I might need a permit to play on the street. We decided to take the chance. It was alittle after 8pm on Thursday night and a police officer pulled up where I was playing. I was right in front of a cathedral that gets alot of tourist traffic. One of my odd new friends rode by me on his bicycle whispering, "Stop playing. You aren't allowed to play in the Quarter after 8pm. They'll take your instrument and everything." I stopped mid song.........my friend ran over to the police officer and waved to me saying it was okay to continue playing. I yelled, "Are you sure?" Suddenly, the officer turns on his speaker inside his patrol car to say, "If you don't play another song, I'm taking you to jail right now." He went on to say that he was having a bad night and just came over to listen. :c) Whew! I got a picture with him before I left....tried to get him to handcuff me but he wouldn't.
I played a gig at Neutral Grounds Coffee. Great space! According to a patron, it's been around for 40 years.

I met Bronson in the Quarter, owner of the Red Lantern. He heard me singing from across a high car traffic street and a few doors down. His compliments and encouragement made my day. When I walked by his store, he had taped my postcard up on the door. :c) The last person I met was David. He immediately said, "You know where that gift comes from don't you?" He pointed up and said, "And He's crazy about you." David told me his story, which involved growing up as a pastor's kid and pretty much saying F you (his words) to the church as a young adult. He came to know the Lord in prison. I don't know what he was in jail for and it really doesn't matter. We quoted scripture back and forth abit and marveled at the love and persistence God has with and for us. His breath smelled of alcohol, but his words were Truth. His eyes shine when he talks about God. When I tried to thank him, he kept saying, "Don't thank me. Don't thank me." I love listening to anyone talk about something they are passionately pursuing, but this was especially nice because it's something we both happen to be pursuing. What a gift to me on my last night in New Orleans. :c)

In other news, I received free tickets to see Patty Griffin in concert last week. I love her.......she's my favorite. I've NEVER seen her play live. When I picked up the tickets from Janet, who I'm so lucky thought of me when she couldn't use the tickets and wanted to give them to someone, she mentioned, "Oh and you know Patty's playing with Robert Plant in this concert." I didn't think too much of it because I could not IMAGINE someone asking Patty to play in their concert without giving her an entire solo set. She has such a faithful following. Well my assumptions were incorrect. Patty led vocally on ONE song......ONE song. Don't get me wrong, I love Patty Griffin's music so much that it made the 4 hour drive worth it to hear her amazing voice live even for only a few minutes. I just can't imagine that her fans will be satisfied with this lack of presence. She sings background vocals on Robert Plant's songs.........her voice is far too unique and wonderful to properly fit with Robert Plant's lead vocals. I know that Robert Plant has his props for being the lead singer of Led Zeppelin, but he is trying to sing in Patty's genre of music. Robert should be opening for Patty in this situation. Buddy Miller led vocally on one song. Buddy and Patty's voices fit together so much better than Patty and Robert's. I enjoyed the concert alright, but I felt like a parent who's kid had one line in a 3 hour play or something. And I think in this scenario, Patty has alot of disgruntled, proud parents. Yeah? Anyway, I'm very thankful for the tickets, but look forward to seeing a Patty concert where she receives her appropriate time and spotlight. :c)

I'm off to Kansas City tomorrow. Check facebook for events. I will have signups for EP preorders due to the unfortunate setbacks. EP's will sell for $5 each at any Living Room Tour stop and $6 at any other show and online. If you get an invite to a Living Room Tour stop, come and save some money on your EP purchase!!!! See you soon!!!

Coming to a living room near you!

So I got some new glasses...... --->
And that's really all that's new lately......HA! not really :c)

In my last post I told you, I found myself homeless and jobless in a matter of days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who whole-heartedly offered to take me in. :c) As always, God provides. I am happy to tell you I have a roof over my head and finances have been coming in in the most interesting ways. This pursuing music thing is face-to-the-ground humbling. So many people to hug for awkward lengths of time to try and show my appreciation. :)

people who have stepped up to offer their support:
-anyone who comments or sends me messages ever!
-a graphic designer-designing EP artwork-puts up with my detailed opinion and struggle to articulate what I want to see!
-aNOTHER graphic designer-designing t-shirts and buttons-puts up with me not knowing what I want, but knowing what I don't like......
-an engineer-designing my official website-puts up with my complete lack of knowledge in this area.
-anyone who offered monetary help toward my recording studio time- NUF SAID!
-a free place to stay this summer when I'm home.
-a friend-offered to help fund the duplication of the EP- Out of nowhere!
-a friend-went to the glasses store with me to pick out these glasses after I had been 80 times and left with nothing. :)
-anyone who has offered to open up your home to me and invite friends to please maybe hopefully like my music.
All of these things and many others do not go unnoticed by me. THANK YOU! *long, awkward hug from me* haha

So I've been thinking of this Living Room Tour since January. I didn't know how I could do it with my full time job. With that obstacle out of the way and little exposure at this point, I hope I get to meet friends of friends who I wouldn't otherwise meet by playing in living rooms across the nation. I sent out emails to people I thought might be interested. I can't remember how many I sent out, but I've received about 40 positive responses! Again, I'm overwhelmed by your support. The plan at this point is to do as many as I can through the end of August. As soon as the final "tour" is set, I'll post a schedule of what cities I will be in and when.

I'm scared to tell you the date I would like to have the EP release just yet because I've had so many things thrown off for various reasons. As soon as I can say it with confidence, I will.

My friend in New Orleans is moving mid July so I am going down there this week to play a living room concert AND a gig in New Orleans before my actual EP release! I'll be playing an hour set at Neutral Grounds on Thursday, July 8th, at 10pm!

Just to give you an idea, I have dates confirmed for the tour in Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, North Carolina, Louisiana, Arkansas so far......and that's just a couple days after sending the date possibilities!

Thanks for putting up with my shenanigans! Happy 4th of July!!!!!

This really isn't a "good" time for me......

Whew guys! It's been awhile as usual. It always seems to be around a month between each post. Life has been so.........different the last few months than the few years before it. I don't know where to start. Well, for one I haven't included much about my faith in this blog up to this point. Get ready because this post is all about my heart, and God is all around and in my heart. I'll try to revise what I'd like to share because I'm afraid I have the gift or curse of long-winded...ness. I love details so I expect others to want to hear them all as well. haha So I'm keeping that in mind just for you. :c)

At the beginning of April, my parents updated all of us (the sibs) on my grandmother's health. She has been "slowing down" slowly for the past few years or so. She just turned 88 in April and has been sharp sharp sharp her whole life. She taught me almost every cards and dominoes games I know currently. And she's quite the competitor so I've also learned from HOW she plays. It makes for pretty rowdy family gatherings. :c) Ok bunny trail of details I know..... So in April we found out that in removing some fluid from her lungs, cancer was found. She has continued "slowing down" but quickly over the last few months. She still recognizes us, but isn't really there much of the time anymore. My Dad's whole side of the family has been focused on her. A few weeks later, I received the call that my Aunt Frances had been taken to the hospital and wasn't expected to live. I'm still not exactly sure what happened in her brain (a brain aneurysm maybe?), but she didn't make it. I've always called her Aunt Frances, but she's actually my Dad's cousin (grandmother's sister's daughter). Uncontrollable tears flooded out for the remainder of that day. So now, I've been confronted with the horror of saying goodbye quickly or not really at all versus the intense pain and confusion of saying goodbye slowly or not really at all. As we covered in the last post, I avoid saying a proper goodbye in most cases. When I know it's coming though, I tend to filter or dampen my emotions to the point that I wonder how much I really do care for the person. When it's a complete surprise, everything comes out in an exhaustive, real expression, which hurts but reminds me how much I really do care for people. meh so we have that intensity going on in the family realm.

I've also been completely unsettled with where I am right now, but I'm still here and have no specific opportunities or direction to go elsewhere. I'm not just speaking in a geographical sense either. I love going to new places so I have to be constantly aware of that desire in order to really make sense of how to best glorify God with my journey because that's ultimately what brings me the most joy and all I want to do. The only direction that has been consistent since January is to finish this EP.

On that note *wink wink*, I never anticipated how difficult it would be to complete this EP AND how difficult it would be to call it finished? I've tried to be really positive about it in status updates and tweets, and it is positive, and I'm SO excited somewhere in here. :c) I think it has turned out really well, but the truth is that it's alot of my heart over the past few years. I mean why do it if it's not real, right? I've just really been confronted with how much of a process artists go through as they release albums. I've noticed it in other artists' music, but am extremely aware of it now. This is just the beginning. I have to let go of the fear that it will be misunderstood or even disliked because it will, but it doesn't change anything about where it came from in me. It makes me think of a lyric by Ani DiFranco, "I build each one of my songs out of glass so you could see me inside of them I suppose, Or you could just leave the image of me in the background I guess, And watch your own reflection superimpose."

Anyway, the most recent change happened today! I've been getting kind of freaked out by my neighbor. She rings my doorbell really late at night with strange things to say, and has "met" me three or four times. That would be okay if I just thought she was a lonely lady that needed to talk, but she has "shady" male characters hanging around her front porch at all hours of the evening. Sorry to use so many quoted words. I'm sure that gets annoying. All that to say, I've been wanting to put in a thirty day notice, but with all this "where am i supposed to be" uncertainty I have yet to do so. A few months ago I had discussed with my landlord possibly moving out at the end of May. He apparently remembered that conversation and called me today to confirm if I was moving out May 31st. I'm moving out May 31st. (See that, I revised out some details there ;) Let's count that up folks, yes, moving out in 6 days and probably to a studio so need to sell some things. Life is crazy. I'm confident this was the right decision. I kind of like craziness.

Ugh! I had great intentions to write about my Aunt's funeral in this blog, which would have been insanely more about God and my heart, but this is already so long! Maybe I'll break my cycle and post again before next month. I'm going to a friend's house to listen to the latest mix on her really nice stereo before I give them the okay to send the EP off for mastering. Every comment here, on youtube, post on my wall, text message of encouragement, view of my videos, subscription to my videos, is deeply felt by this extremely sensitive and sentimental girl. Thank you for believing in me and being SO PATIENT!!!! :c)

Headphones and Clouds

I often have this paranoia that my headphone plug will come partially unplugged from my iPhone and I will be left jamming out with my headphones in while my playlist is playing out for all to hear. Listening to music with headphones is a tiny escape. Because I'm plugging my ears from hearing the outside world, it creates the sensation that I'm not really there.

When I was younger, I used a similar thought process at night when trying to go to sleep. If I got scared, I would close my eyes and lay as still as possible. I convinced myself that if I couldn't see the monsters or bad guys that they couldn't see me either. I was safe because I wasn't seeing....

I'm kind of living in a cloud at the moment. I recently went to Malaysia, which requires a whole separate post but I flew through Beijing. There is so much pollution there that you can't even see the planes depart from inside the airport. I bet if you walk around in that pollution you can't see but a few feet in front of you at a time. The people we could see outside were all wearing masks over their noses and mouths. If I stay in this cloud, I have the excuse of being "undecided" or "unsure" or whatever other procrastination method I might use. If I take a step in any direction, everyone sees me step out of the cloud AND I can see the consequences of my choice. I kind of feel like I'm experiencing some sort of vertigo or "lost in the forest" kind of thing.

"she crawls out on a limb
and begins to build a home
and it's enough just to look around
and know she's not alone" from "up up up up up up" by Ani DiFranco

So you can find me in a cloud somewhere jamming out to some embarrassing pop song playing at max volume out loud with my headphones securely plugged in. I might even have my eyes closed thinking you can't see me...

I'm makin' a move soon.....I'll get out of this cloud yet!

Hopefully playing at ArtsFest! Stay tuned!!

A different kind of loneliness?

"The further I go
More letters from home never arrive
And I'm alone
All of the way
All of the way
Alone and alive"

This excerpt is from "The Rowing Song" by Patty Griffin. I love her lyrics in general, but different songs and phrases hit me at different times. Lately, this has been the right hook or upper cut or something like that. From this excerpt alone, you may see these as depressing lyrics, but no no... I just took a very long road trip (almost 30 hours of driving in a 96 hour period) by myself recently. I love to think about things....alot so this gave me extra time to do just that. I realized something that has been rolling around in my head unacknowledged until now. Okay are you ready for some madness? haha
This lyric for me is expressing that the more I dig and work at knowing myself, the less I will "feel" understood by others. I've addressed in previous blogs the innate desire we all have to be known. The more I unravel and know myself, the more others have to try and fit "me" into some sort of understanding from their perspective. The connection to this lyric is how we keep going on our own separate journeys and people cross our paths and journey with us sometimes, but we're all so different that it takes some serious time and energy to really KNOW someone. I love the "alone and alive" part because it speaks to the fact that even when you may not feel like anyone is taking that "time and energy," it doesn't make your life and journey any less significant or influential. When I was beginning to think about what I wanted to write, a friend of mine came into the room and placed a bowl of miniature frosted mini wheats on the desk and said, "I saw these and had to bring you some because I know you love miniature things." And later another friend said, "No, don't change the song. I know Lee Ellen likes to listen all the way to the end of songs." And a friend I had not seen in years sent me a message recently saying that she still has all the little gifts I made for her years ago, which swells my heart because I love making things for people. I find it so comforting to know that some people out there care about me enough to have a file, or shoe box, or quilt of sorts in their brains marked, "this is lee ellen." I know I have quilts in my brain that continually collect information on many of you. There is still a certain "loneliness" I guess in discovering yourself and pursuing your passion because each are paths we have to take on our own in many ways. We blaze the trail alone for the deeper parts of ourselves. It's such an adventure though and almost feels like a rite of passage ya know? Maybe I'll continue walking alone for awhile......or maybe I'll see you tomorrow hiking up my path.....or maybe I'll find that I'm hiking to meet up with you.....exciting huh?

I visited Katie in Houston over the weekend! (in the picture above) I had the honor of visiting the Red Tree recording studio and play a few of my songs for one of the owners. I may be making some more trips down to Houston in the near future......there is some interesting stuff going on down there! Still sending out postcards, and postcards, and more postcards!

I remember where I was....

My friend, Mike Young, took this picture of me at the gig at the Potter's House, Saturday night.  It was super muggy on the back porch, but for some reason it just seemed right to be out there.  It made me think of my first gig at the PoHo (Potter's House).  I played a show as Beyond the Fleece with "my boys," John Whitaker and Dustin Tompkins. :c)  This was our band name in college at Drury University.  Remembering that lovely time made me think of my first "gig" ever by myself.  I was interning in a tiny town a little drive from Philadelphia, PA called Womelsdorf....yes Womelsdorf. :c)  A short drive down the main drag and you were quickly in Robesonia, PA.   My fellow interns and I found ourselves at a bar in Robesonia called Goodfellas behind the family-owned Italian restaurant, Giannotti's, one night.  When the house band took a smoke break, the owner of the bar came over and asked if any of us could play something because he knew we were all music therapists.  Teryn, the intern that lived in the room next to mine, pointed at me saying, "This girl sings in her room every night!  She's awesome!"  I figured people could hear me sing in my room, but no one had commented on it at that point.  So blushing all the while, the lead singer let me borrow her acoustic and I played my song, "Stare."  Long story short (haha right....), the owner, Andre Giannotti, asked me to play there once a week.  I will never forget that.  I still get nervous every time I play, but this was the childlike fear of new experiences.  I would just come in with a janky microphone and an amp, and sometimes no equipment at all.  haha Thanks to Goodfellas and the Giannottis for that encouragement and support from my very beginning as a wee little artist!  :c)

p.s. I spoke with David Smith of VanSmith Studios.  He gave me several dates to choose from for recording so I'm on my way to cashing in my wonderful, wonderful birthday present!  A friend of mine designed some postcards for me so I will hopefully be mailing those out soon.  I will send some emails and facebook to get correct mailing addresses for all you amazing individuals that inspire and motivate me so much.

Gig tonight starts at 9:30 instead of 8!!!

Two words.......chai cupcakes......

I am so overwhelmed lately with kindness from so many!  It is certainly not a bad way to be overwhelmed. :c)

For those of you new to the madness that mixes together to make up me, I LOVE to be cared for.  I'm quite independent, but if you willingly "hold me up" in any way I definitely receive it.  Now, one might say, "who doesn't like to be cared for?"  I think that everyone deep down likes it, but not everyone is able to receive it easily or well.  I receive it well, but get all freaked out when attempting to actively care for others.  

I say that to offer great appreciation to the people that have been encouraging and loving me.  I love when people make me things.  A friend I've known since freshman year of college came to town and stayed with me last night.  She brought me homemade cupcakes......chai tea cupcakes.  Somehow she steeped some chai tea and put it into the cake mix and made a special spice-ish frosting!  Another fact about me, I love miniature things......from my brother's micro machines to travel sized things to......chai cupcakes.  Thanks, Sarah. :c)

Four of my family members came into Springfield to visit me this weekend!  Thanks Mom, Dad, SB, and KB!

This picture was taken by Mike.  He and his wife attended the show at Big Momma's Thursday night.  He took this pic of me and posted a blurb about his experience on his blog.  Thank you for the encouragement, Mike.  Your words mean so much.  Check out his blog http://ozarkphotos.blogspot.com  

Thanks to everyone that has posted on here or encouraged me in any way.  It's amazing what a difference you make.    

p.s. I stopped listening to "Thinking of You" because it was negatively affecting my mood, but I love her song "I Think I'm Ready"............ I CAN relate to that one :c)

-lee ellen 

Post-recording....

So let me just begin this post with how not computer saavy I happen to be. When I began typing this post, there was a setting that was automatically translating everything I typed into Hindi......yes....hm. anyway, I ACTUALLY found the place to fix that! So instead of reading this post with a Hindi to English translator necessary, you get English. You're welcome. :c)



I recorded Saturday!! I was dreading it abit because I typically dislike recording, but I.....wait for it......enjoyed it! There were a few frustrating parts, but the friends that came along with me were there for me in every way I needed them. Thanks Katherine, Jen, and Ben! And thanks to everyone for your support and prayers. I definitely felt cared for and loved! I recorded "How Should I Feel?" and "A House to Clean." I will take this week to listen to them and make sure I think they are finished then I'll post them on myspace. www.myspace.com/leeellenstarks



So today, I have been listening to and watching this video, "Broken Telephone" by The Be Good Tanyas over and over. It's not their official video, but I think a high school class made it. I discovered them via Pandora, and cannot stop listening to them. I also love their songs "Hello Love," "Don't You Fall," "Human Thing," "In Spite of All the Damage," and "Only in the Past," oh and "Midnight Moonlight.".......yeah i kinda like them :c) Here's the video link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBBG0Xw_BE8



p.s. I have an open mic coming up on Feb. 19th! Details to come.....

mmm snow.....

I.......love.........winter.  I know I know......especially people in Missouri and Arkansas right now are all thinking, "bleh, who could love winter?"  Yep, me.  I actually bundled up tonight, made myself some mint hot chocolate, and sat out on my front porch to be out in the cold watching the snow fall.  I was watching from the window, but it wasn't enough....so I had to be out there.  There's something terribly romantic about snow falling at night.  It's so clean at that point and somehow everything is really still.....like any sound would interrupt the creation of something.

But for a music update, I started two new songs last Wednesday night!  I haven't written anything new in a while so I was so glad they poured out.  I am trying to commit a couple hours every Wednesday night to writing and home recording music.  Keep me accountable, friends!  I actually revised and re-recorded one of the songs tonight!  The first line at this point is, "My bed's not made...." haha hmmmm

As I type this, I'm trying to upload some videos to YouTube.  Please offer me some help here.  My videos have been uploading for the length it takes James Earl Jones to read the Bible so I'm certain I've done something wrong....  Anywho, Happy Winter!!! :c)

my first blog!

Welcome to the ever-intriguing.....or at least entertaining world of my daily life! I will be updating this blog regularly to keep you informed about my music. For the first post, I just wanted to let you know that I'm scheduled to begin recording my first CD February 7th!!! woohoo! To serve a little appetizer....here's a clip of me singing an old folk song at a gig in 2007....i love singing this song :c)