So it happened......
I have hit that weird limbo area. I'm 29. When people find that out in LA, they say things like, "Hmmm well people in the music industry usually want to find new stars that are ages 17-22, so I don't know." Or, "Well you look really young so maybe you could still make it." I'm still 29.
I took a friend's child to an ice skating birthday party yesterday. Me and two dads were the only adult ice skaters. All the other adults just watched. And the dads only skated because their kids needed help skating. The little girl I brought skated circles around me. I.......just wanted to skate. So as I skated past the viewing window and looked in at all the moms I thought, "I am not there." But then an eight year old boy started showing me all his cool skate moves and I thought, "Oh no, am I the weird adult creeping around the kids?" And then three little girls skated by me and grabbed my hand and I'm suddenly having a blast being pulled around the rink by a mob of children. I went and hung out with the parents alittle while. *crickets* I couldn't do it. It was one of those "Where do I belong," moments. I don't fit with the parents/adults. I fit a whole lot better with the kids but let's be honest......it's weird to be the adult hanging out with a bunch of kids. WEIRD!
What do I do with a heart that unexpectedly becomes more and more "mommy"-like as each day goes by but yet is so obviously not "mommy"-like? Especially when nothing in the present suggests that opportunity will ever come around for me? How do I function appropriately in my single without children reality? These are questions I never thought I'd ever feel prompted to ask myself. I'd be a fun mom, though. I'd be the mom that skates at the skating birthday parties.
Sheesh, am I gonna start wearing "mom" jeans? Maybe I already do....moms usually don't know.
Even with these insane thoughts, I manage to come back to this verse regularly.
"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." Proverbs 31:25
I can laugh about it right now! HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAAHAHAHHAHA
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You WILL be a fun mom someday. I have no doubts! Until then enough your freedom! :)
ReplyDeleteHope you are doing well Lee Ellen!
That is POPPYCOCK! Are these people smoking crack?! I can't believe anyone would use that as an excuse to look over your talent!!! Holy wowzers I have NO CLUE why people aren't falling at their feet over you! Your age DOES NOT MATTER! Look at Sarah! God has big things in store :) it is all the same to God - our lives are but a breath! You are doing amazing things. To those who only care about such things as younguns who have no depth - peace out!
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