Home sweet Arkansas!

So I'm at the Potter's House right now. When I first sat down, there was one other couple in the living room. It kiiiiiind of seemed like they were on a date and I maaaaaaay have eavesdropped a tad.... At one point I heard the girl say, "I don't do drama," and "I can't hang out with awkward people..." haha oh dates......I'll go on some more of those some time......so I can say things like that and be the awkward person I "can't hang out with." haha and not know how long to look someone in the eye to say nonverbally what I want to say without saying what I don't want to say.....nonverbally.

Ahhhh just when I thought I would have to put in my earbuds at Poho and be antisocial....."Blackbird" by the Beatles....alright

I got really frustrated yesterday, and shouted and I think I even seethed......That's new for the adult me. I'm pretty sure I did those things in my younger years but somewhere along the way I started being quiet when I was angry.....my close friends jokingly called it "The Quiet Storm" haha only during "Sunny Weather" I'm sure. :c) I'm getting back to the business of expressing even that negative stuff in regular life and not just in song.

Speaking of my younger years, I played some living room concerts in Arkansas (my stomping ground) at the beginning of August. The first one was in Fayetteville. To the left, you can see my stagehand. She was gracious enough to give me her drink when I sang so loudly she thought I was surely parched. :) I was given my own room again for a lovely night's sleep before heading home to stay with Mom and Dad in good ol' Alma. I got to hang out with the parents all day Friday. Saturday was gorgeous until the time for my outdoor performance. It began to pour down rain minutes before I took the stage.....so no go. A friend walked over from his car in the pouring rain. We went to get something hot to drink and dry off inside. Good conversation and quality time was definitely worth the rained out gig. I was sad for the group that set up the whole Block Party. They were ready to go, and everything looked amazing and so fun! That evening I played at a friend's house in Van Buren. We had a full house. Their living room was an open two story space if that makes sense.....=fun for lee ellen to belt it. They also served yummy barbecue. mmm!

Then on Sunday, the weekend was capped off at a friend's house in Alma. She served dessert and iced tea. I played for about two hours without realizing it! It was surprisingly nice to do an afternoon concert. Three words: Homemade Strawberry Shortcake. It's always nice to go home for abit. I went home a few weekends ago again, and visited my Mom while she worked at my old high school. Well......it's loosely my old high school. They added a whole new half and then remodeled the old half so it doesn't look the same at all. But something about going home makes things slow down, makes me go back in time, makes me reflective and reminiscent. I love all of these things. I went to the first football game of the season with my Dad when I was home. It reminded me of the comfort of a small town. When THE thing to do on Friday night is go to the high school football game. I love that too. I also love the atmosphere at football games. I listened for as many "Ref, where are your glasses," type shouts as I could, and laughed myself silly. I enjoyed my time in Arkansas and singing back home. It felt like a big bear hug from brother......and he gives great hugs.

St. Louis.....Twice!

oh my GOODNESS! So much has happened since my last post, but I can't cheat the great things that happened in between by skipping them! So somehow I ended up with zero pictures from my St. Louis living room stops.... :c( You'll just have to really use your imagination!

So first stop was at Devin's. I usually don't eat much before a performance a) because I'm really nervous b) because nerves and food typically lead to belching which doesn't mix well with singing. Devin's mom made this yummy lasagna though. We all sat down to a nice.....full.....dinner. It was so good and she made brownies too. Shoot! They have some special name......for the brownies...... Anyway, so I HAD to have a brownie too! Man, that bugs me I can't remember what they were called. So after I am sufficiently stuffed, we move on to the concert part of the evening. I got to play in the sun room off the back of the house. Devin jumped in to sing some harmonies on the cover of "Many the Miles" with me. The concert was a success solely on the fact that I never burped in the middle of a song. haha It was a great night, and I had the privilege of visiting with Devin's family. I loved that aspect of the entire living room tour. They even gave me my own room for the night! I ended the night by shattering a glass in the bathroom after everyone had turned in for the night. I like to keep things interesting... ;) just kidding! Again, Devin, sorry for my clumsiness!! It follows me wherever I go. If I don't have a stain on my shirt, something is surely broken somewhere.....

My next show in St. Louis was at Nikki's house. Nikki and I go way back to freshman year at Drury. We ended up traveling together to Greece for a semester abroad. Nikki is Greek so was a HUGE help in the transition to the amazing Greek culture. We had many adventures all over the country. It all started with alot of snow falling our first night in Athens so we got hit by some snowballs by excited Greeks and got to see the Acropolis with a beautiful dusting of snow! I can't believe that was seven years ago!! Anywho, so Nikki and I have kept in touch, but not nearly as much especially after graduation. It was so fun to catch up on life and reminisce all of our fun times in Greece! And......I love learning languages so learning Greek in Greece was SO FLIPPING FUN!!! I haven't heard it much since I returned to the states obviously. Nikki invited alot of her family to the concert, and it was so so so wonderful to hear the Greek language all around me again. Oh and Nikki's mom gave me some Greek tea that she brought back from Greece. I fell in love with it when I was over there. It was so great to hang out with Nikki's family and friends. Unfortunately on both trips to St. Louis, I had to hurry back to Springfield so I didn't get to play in the streets for tips. I will definitely be back in St. Louis sometime. Hopefully, a venue will give me a chance!

Ok living room stop updates to come: Fayetteville, Van Buren (2 stops), Kansas City (again!), Ashland, Pine, Oklahoma City, and the EP release in Springfield!

I'm playing at Cider Days in Springfield on Sunday afternoon 4-5pm, September 19th, the Music at the Inn Stage. Thanks for your tremendous support!!! I had a couple of paying gigs this past weekend that brought in more than I made in a couple weeks at my old job. :c) That kind of makes THIS my job! It sure doesn't feel like a job though.....yippee!

"We don't like to call it 'in trouble'........"

I had the privilege to play a couple of living room tour concerts in Kansas City last week. This pic is from the first of the two. Hosted by Erin and Elizabeth, it was a beautiful setting on a rooftop in downtown KC. It was an enclosed pool room so the acoustics were like singing in a HUGE bathroom! I met some great people and very musically inclined at that. We had a little jam session after the concert......my favorite :c) Devon and Nathan took some pics. The one to the left is one of Devon's.

The next night I played at Sarah Beth and KB's house, my sister and brother-in-law. Dharmesh took some pics there. I can't wait to see them! I look forward to experiencing how different each living room stop is, but this one happened to be exactly how I imagined they would be. I sat in the corner on a red chair, and everyone sat in a U-shape around me on various chairs and furniture. The living room was the perfect size for the 10 people present, and the concert felt like one long conversation.....alittle one-sided I suppose ;) but so comfortable and intimate.

I played out in the Plaza abit on Friday. These two security guys parked their SUVs in the middle of the road and sauntered over to me. When I asked, "Am I in trouble?" One said, "We don't like to call it 'in trouble,' we like to say you were misinformed." haha good times! very different all around from my experience in the French Quarter.... :c)

For all the selling of EP's I keep mentioning, I am actually talking about pre-orders. I have a sign up sheet at each stop for those interested to pre-order. No EP's have been distributed just yet. I will shout it from the rooftops, and probably have one of those 'laughed til I cried' moments when the release please Lord, sometime in my lifetime actually occurs.

This has been SUCH a learning experience for me. Thank you for enduring my ignorance in so many areas.........

Dude, you guys! 100 people have subscribed to my youtube channel!!!!! What?????? Check it! and subscribe if you haven't yet!

Thank you everyone!!!

N'awlins and a Concert

Helloooooooo!!! So the latest setback on the EP release is that I used a few stanzas of an old hymn in the bridge section of one of my tracks. Silly Lell here didn't do the proper homework thinking the hymn was old enough to be public domain. After doing the proper research, I discovered that the copyright was renewed in 1983, obviously retaining it's legal demand for royalties in this grand old year of 2010. Bottom line: I removed the hymn from the track and reworked some things in the studio to avoid any sort of copyright infringement. I was leaving for New Orleans when I found out all of this madness so I didn't make it into the studio until last Tuesday. The guy who has mastered the EP was out of town until yesterday. Therefore, I'm hoping to get "the call" that the mastered copy is ready....any......minute.....

So New Orleans.......awesomeness! I saw a long-time friend, met some great people, met some odd people, and met some creepy people. :c) This pic is from the first day I played out in the French Quarter. I played three separate times, in five varying spots, and for a total of about 6 hours. I had never really played on the streets for tips before, and wasn't sure what to expect. During those six hours, my faithful friend, Jennifer, filled out postcards with my social media links and passed them out to lingering listeners. I expected to get some smiles and a dollar here and there. I ALSO expected to see more street performers out there. Maybe it was too hot.....because it was HOT! The main surprises were how many individual conversations I had with people, a one hundred dollar bill tip, AND a police officer threatening to take me to jail. Before I played in the Quarter, one of Jennifer's friends warned me that I might need a permit to play on the street. We decided to take the chance. It was alittle after 8pm on Thursday night and a police officer pulled up where I was playing. I was right in front of a cathedral that gets alot of tourist traffic. One of my odd new friends rode by me on his bicycle whispering, "Stop playing. You aren't allowed to play in the Quarter after 8pm. They'll take your instrument and everything." I stopped mid song.........my friend ran over to the police officer and waved to me saying it was okay to continue playing. I yelled, "Are you sure?" Suddenly, the officer turns on his speaker inside his patrol car to say, "If you don't play another song, I'm taking you to jail right now." He went on to say that he was having a bad night and just came over to listen. :c) Whew! I got a picture with him before I left....tried to get him to handcuff me but he wouldn't.
I played a gig at Neutral Grounds Coffee. Great space! According to a patron, it's been around for 40 years.

I met Bronson in the Quarter, owner of the Red Lantern. He heard me singing from across a high car traffic street and a few doors down. His compliments and encouragement made my day. When I walked by his store, he had taped my postcard up on the door. :c) The last person I met was David. He immediately said, "You know where that gift comes from don't you?" He pointed up and said, "And He's crazy about you." David told me his story, which involved growing up as a pastor's kid and pretty much saying F you (his words) to the church as a young adult. He came to know the Lord in prison. I don't know what he was in jail for and it really doesn't matter. We quoted scripture back and forth abit and marveled at the love and persistence God has with and for us. His breath smelled of alcohol, but his words were Truth. His eyes shine when he talks about God. When I tried to thank him, he kept saying, "Don't thank me. Don't thank me." I love listening to anyone talk about something they are passionately pursuing, but this was especially nice because it's something we both happen to be pursuing. What a gift to me on my last night in New Orleans. :c)

In other news, I received free tickets to see Patty Griffin in concert last week. I love her.......she's my favorite. I've NEVER seen her play live. When I picked up the tickets from Janet, who I'm so lucky thought of me when she couldn't use the tickets and wanted to give them to someone, she mentioned, "Oh and you know Patty's playing with Robert Plant in this concert." I didn't think too much of it because I could not IMAGINE someone asking Patty to play in their concert without giving her an entire solo set. She has such a faithful following. Well my assumptions were incorrect. Patty led vocally on ONE song......ONE song. Don't get me wrong, I love Patty Griffin's music so much that it made the 4 hour drive worth it to hear her amazing voice live even for only a few minutes. I just can't imagine that her fans will be satisfied with this lack of presence. She sings background vocals on Robert Plant's songs.........her voice is far too unique and wonderful to properly fit with Robert Plant's lead vocals. I know that Robert Plant has his props for being the lead singer of Led Zeppelin, but he is trying to sing in Patty's genre of music. Robert should be opening for Patty in this situation. Buddy Miller led vocally on one song. Buddy and Patty's voices fit together so much better than Patty and Robert's. I enjoyed the concert alright, but I felt like a parent who's kid had one line in a 3 hour play or something. And I think in this scenario, Patty has alot of disgruntled, proud parents. Yeah? Anyway, I'm very thankful for the tickets, but look forward to seeing a Patty concert where she receives her appropriate time and spotlight. :c)

I'm off to Kansas City tomorrow. Check facebook for events. I will have signups for EP preorders due to the unfortunate setbacks. EP's will sell for $5 each at any Living Room Tour stop and $6 at any other show and online. If you get an invite to a Living Room Tour stop, come and save some money on your EP purchase!!!! See you soon!!!

Coming to a living room near you!

So I got some new glasses...... --->
And that's really all that's new lately......HA! not really :c)

In my last post I told you, I found myself homeless and jobless in a matter of days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who whole-heartedly offered to take me in. :c) As always, God provides. I am happy to tell you I have a roof over my head and finances have been coming in in the most interesting ways. This pursuing music thing is face-to-the-ground humbling. So many people to hug for awkward lengths of time to try and show my appreciation. :)

people who have stepped up to offer their support:
-anyone who comments or sends me messages ever!
-a graphic designer-designing EP artwork-puts up with my detailed opinion and struggle to articulate what I want to see!
-aNOTHER graphic designer-designing t-shirts and buttons-puts up with me not knowing what I want, but knowing what I don't like......
-an engineer-designing my official website-puts up with my complete lack of knowledge in this area.
-anyone who offered monetary help toward my recording studio time- NUF SAID!
-a free place to stay this summer when I'm home.
-a friend-offered to help fund the duplication of the EP- Out of nowhere!
-a friend-went to the glasses store with me to pick out these glasses after I had been 80 times and left with nothing. :)
-anyone who has offered to open up your home to me and invite friends to please maybe hopefully like my music.
All of these things and many others do not go unnoticed by me. THANK YOU! *long, awkward hug from me* haha

So I've been thinking of this Living Room Tour since January. I didn't know how I could do it with my full time job. With that obstacle out of the way and little exposure at this point, I hope I get to meet friends of friends who I wouldn't otherwise meet by playing in living rooms across the nation. I sent out emails to people I thought might be interested. I can't remember how many I sent out, but I've received about 40 positive responses! Again, I'm overwhelmed by your support. The plan at this point is to do as many as I can through the end of August. As soon as the final "tour" is set, I'll post a schedule of what cities I will be in and when.

I'm scared to tell you the date I would like to have the EP release just yet because I've had so many things thrown off for various reasons. As soon as I can say it with confidence, I will.

My friend in New Orleans is moving mid July so I am going down there this week to play a living room concert AND a gig in New Orleans before my actual EP release! I'll be playing an hour set at Neutral Grounds on Thursday, July 8th, at 10pm!

Just to give you an idea, I have dates confirmed for the tour in Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, North Carolina, Louisiana, Arkansas so far......and that's just a couple days after sending the date possibilities!

Thanks for putting up with my shenanigans! Happy 4th of July!!!!!

I've been missing her for months.....

So it's 1:45am I was lying in bed, lights out, ready for sleep. My eyes are wide open. This is the first night in my 27 years to go to sleep without my grandmother alive somewhere in the world. She's been leaving for awhile. My Dad called last night to say that she would probably pass in her sleep. It was difficult to fall asleep. It seemed like falling asleep was equivalent to letting her go. Whew! I promise this whole post won't be sad.

I'm afraid I'll get some of the facts wrong, but hopefully the overall message will be heard. My grandmother was born in 1922, Frances Elizabeth Bland. She married James Smith Starks and had four children. My father, John Bland Starks, is one of them. Gamma, as my siblings and I call her, started college at the age of 16. She graduated and became a math teacher. Oh, I wish I could remember how old she was when she retired from teaching. Let's just say she had a long career. After retiring, she tutored students in math into her 70's I believe. We looked at some of her calendars, and she kept herself SO busy. Whether it was Bridge Club, delivering Meals on Wheels, working at the hospital gift shop, or cooking for church functions, she was the epitomy of "involved." My sister found something she wrote about herself at the age of 84, and she recorded that she was still walking two miles every day.

Thanks to Gamma, I am a vicious card player and can count up the points in my hand like a pro. :c) I loved listening to her count up her hand. It went something like "5 is 22 is 37 is 78 is...I have 138," and it was always right. She talked to her sister, Maggie Lou, every day til she passed a few years ago. She loved the color blue and would often say, "Well, idn't that purdy." I love the way she said pretty (purdy). She touched many lives through teaching and tutoring alone, but our family is all positively affected by her. She's been the matriarch of our family since I've been in the world. I don't remember a Christmas morning ever not at her house in Arkansas. I've been fortunate to be in a family that places an importance on tradition and gathering together: Christmas at Gamma's, Easter at Aunt Martha's and Uncle John's, Labor Day in Hot Springs, Thanksgiving at Uncle Rick's and Aunt Sara's

I love knowing my extended family so well. I love family trees. I find when I'm stressed out I go through our family tree in my head. Is that strange? Maybe so....but I love it. I'm fighting myself to keep from writing one up right now and scanning it in as an attachment to this post.

Frances Elizabeth Starks will be missed, but she's so happy right now. Of that, I am very certain. I can still see the way her face looked when she laughed. I should draw that face so I always remember it.

I've lost a few other things in the past few weeks. I moved out of my house and no longer have my full-time job. I am attempting to make the mental transition from music as a hobby to music as a career. I WILL make the transition a reality thanks to the help of so many talented friends and supportive fans. So many of you have offered your skills toward this endeavor. So many of you have said, "Go for it." Elly Swope of Focus!Focus! recently told me, "I can't not do this," in regards to pursuing music. I agree. I'm going for it. Thanks for coming with me.

Sorry the last couple of posts have been heavy. I am extremely excited about life these days, but with that comes some healthy fear and due to recent events some mourning as well. Updates on the EP soon :)

This really isn't a "good" time for me......

Whew guys! It's been awhile as usual. It always seems to be around a month between each post. Life has been so.........different the last few months than the few years before it. I don't know where to start. Well, for one I haven't included much about my faith in this blog up to this point. Get ready because this post is all about my heart, and God is all around and in my heart. I'll try to revise what I'd like to share because I'm afraid I have the gift or curse of long-winded...ness. I love details so I expect others to want to hear them all as well. haha So I'm keeping that in mind just for you. :c)

At the beginning of April, my parents updated all of us (the sibs) on my grandmother's health. She has been "slowing down" slowly for the past few years or so. She just turned 88 in April and has been sharp sharp sharp her whole life. She taught me almost every cards and dominoes games I know currently. And she's quite the competitor so I've also learned from HOW she plays. It makes for pretty rowdy family gatherings. :c) Ok bunny trail of details I know..... So in April we found out that in removing some fluid from her lungs, cancer was found. She has continued "slowing down" but quickly over the last few months. She still recognizes us, but isn't really there much of the time anymore. My Dad's whole side of the family has been focused on her. A few weeks later, I received the call that my Aunt Frances had been taken to the hospital and wasn't expected to live. I'm still not exactly sure what happened in her brain (a brain aneurysm maybe?), but she didn't make it. I've always called her Aunt Frances, but she's actually my Dad's cousin (grandmother's sister's daughter). Uncontrollable tears flooded out for the remainder of that day. So now, I've been confronted with the horror of saying goodbye quickly or not really at all versus the intense pain and confusion of saying goodbye slowly or not really at all. As we covered in the last post, I avoid saying a proper goodbye in most cases. When I know it's coming though, I tend to filter or dampen my emotions to the point that I wonder how much I really do care for the person. When it's a complete surprise, everything comes out in an exhaustive, real expression, which hurts but reminds me how much I really do care for people. meh so we have that intensity going on in the family realm.

I've also been completely unsettled with where I am right now, but I'm still here and have no specific opportunities or direction to go elsewhere. I'm not just speaking in a geographical sense either. I love going to new places so I have to be constantly aware of that desire in order to really make sense of how to best glorify God with my journey because that's ultimately what brings me the most joy and all I want to do. The only direction that has been consistent since January is to finish this EP.

On that note *wink wink*, I never anticipated how difficult it would be to complete this EP AND how difficult it would be to call it finished? I've tried to be really positive about it in status updates and tweets, and it is positive, and I'm SO excited somewhere in here. :c) I think it has turned out really well, but the truth is that it's alot of my heart over the past few years. I mean why do it if it's not real, right? I've just really been confronted with how much of a process artists go through as they release albums. I've noticed it in other artists' music, but am extremely aware of it now. This is just the beginning. I have to let go of the fear that it will be misunderstood or even disliked because it will, but it doesn't change anything about where it came from in me. It makes me think of a lyric by Ani DiFranco, "I build each one of my songs out of glass so you could see me inside of them I suppose, Or you could just leave the image of me in the background I guess, And watch your own reflection superimpose."

Anyway, the most recent change happened today! I've been getting kind of freaked out by my neighbor. She rings my doorbell really late at night with strange things to say, and has "met" me three or four times. That would be okay if I just thought she was a lonely lady that needed to talk, but she has "shady" male characters hanging around her front porch at all hours of the evening. Sorry to use so many quoted words. I'm sure that gets annoying. All that to say, I've been wanting to put in a thirty day notice, but with all this "where am i supposed to be" uncertainty I have yet to do so. A few months ago I had discussed with my landlord possibly moving out at the end of May. He apparently remembered that conversation and called me today to confirm if I was moving out May 31st. I'm moving out May 31st. (See that, I revised out some details there ;) Let's count that up folks, yes, moving out in 6 days and probably to a studio so need to sell some things. Life is crazy. I'm confident this was the right decision. I kind of like craziness.

Ugh! I had great intentions to write about my Aunt's funeral in this blog, which would have been insanely more about God and my heart, but this is already so long! Maybe I'll break my cycle and post again before next month. I'm going to a friend's house to listen to the latest mix on her really nice stereo before I give them the okay to send the EP off for mastering. Every comment here, on youtube, post on my wall, text message of encouragement, view of my videos, subscription to my videos, is deeply felt by this extremely sensitive and sentimental girl. Thank you for believing in me and being SO PATIENT!!!! :c)