Videos!!!

I also posted a couple of videos on YouTube!! i'm going to try to keep adding those on a regular basis so hold me accountable. ya know...... write threatening comments on my fb wall, leave me ridiculously long voicemail messages about what i should do with my life :c), and instead of greeting me just look me in the eye, maybe cup my face in your hands, and with incredible intensity say, "video....". I'm really excited about the two gigs I have set up in May!!! And lately, I've been listening to Emily Elbert! Check out her music!!

so much!

Life....how do weeks go by in a moment?  so the first thing I thought of writing here happened about a week after my last post.  It has stayed burned in my brain since then.  Certainly other poignant things have happened, but this stole my attention and in ways still has it.  I was in a group discussion about love, relationships, and what men desire vs. women.  Now before you think, "oh so this is about...." hear me out.  The discussion was stating how men long to feel honored and respected by their wives while women desire to be emotionally intimate and loved by their husbands.  Of course, this wasn't proclaiming either gender only needs one or the other, but for the most part the priority is different for men vs. women.  So what stood out to me was when this man, probably in his 70s maybe, spoke up in the group.  He spoke about how a few years ago he and his wife were in another country doing mission work.  She had a physical ailment that required some help walking.  He said that he held her hand alot simply to steady her and help her along the way. Several people on the trip kept commenting when seeing them holding hands, "awww look they're still so in love."  The man said he kept thinking, "I'm just trying to help her walk."  Then.......his eyes got misty, this beautiful, wise man, and he said, "it really is true that you don't realize how much you love someone until you lose them."  His wife had passed away some time after that trip.  I think it struck me so deeply because 1) I don't see men cry much, and 2) I definitely don't see older generation men cry much.  I wanted to hug him because it felt, in some way, like an emotion everyone needs to express but doesn't.  I think, unfortunately, it's almost taboo to say/show how you really feel....whether it's about a situation or another person.  Then, yesterday I had to take a personality test for the place I work and it had this quote in it.  

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." -Benjamin Disraeli.

Anyway, I have so much more I want to write, but I don't want to bog down one post with too much.  I just felt insanely blessed by the above-mentioned discussion because it included three different generations of people and, not to be too out there, but I seriously felt my soul expand or something just taking it all in. :c)  Cheers!

P.S. I just found out that I'll be playing on the Acoustic Stage at the ArtsFest on Walnut St. Saturday, May 2nd from 2:30-3:30pm.  I LOVE the ArtsFest!!  Come and support the Arts in Springfield!!!

the little things!

This, my dear friends, is my dog, Tolmi or Tolms, Tolmer, Buddy Bear, Tolm, Boober, Sweetah and so many more. :c)  I took this pic tonight because Tolmi ran back to my bedroom while I was in the kitchen.  I was sure that he was up to some mischievous mayhem, but when I got back there he was just laying down on my pile of dirty clothes... I just changed the sheets on my bed and he's mainly laying on the sheets I just took off my bed.  aww sweet buddy :c)  I found myself smiling at the fact that Tolmi typically likes the things about me that no one else would like.  Dirty clothes, smelly feet, when I drop things in the kitchen, etc.  It's good for my little soul to be reminded that somebody, rather dog or person :c), likes even the yucky stuff about me. 

Random Tolmi fact:  Tolmi likes to "show off" when I sit on the back porch.  So sometimes I give him huge carrots to eat, and he's such a sneaky guy that somehow one ended up outside.  I burned so many calories laughing and smiling while he played with a carrot, throwing it up in the air, catching it, then running away from it, then looking at me to see if I'm watching, then picking it up and carrying it around like a cigar.  mmmmm such a lovely life moment...

Anyway, I posted two new songs on mySpace!  "A House to Clean" and "How Should I Feel?"  www.myspace.com/leeellenstarks   Check them out and let me know what you think?

I also figured out how to put videos on Youtube, thank you Dominic, so I will be posting some videos as soon as I get past the voice altering part of this cold I have!

Spring is here! Enjoy!!

Tonight's gig!

I'm playing tonight at Big Momma's on Commercial Street. My friend, Elizabeth Losson, will be playing from 7:30-8:15pm. We will play a few together and then I will play 8:15-9:00pm. I hope to see you there!!

P.S. Do your life a favor and check out this guy, James Morrison. Here is one link of him playing live, but check out all the live videos on YouTube of him playing and SINGING!!! mmm mmm mmm I love his voice and commitment to the lyrics emotionally.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JO64nfF1KrQ

Correction! Self-Employed Artists Conference

So Saturday I went to the SEA Conference here in Springfield.  Silly me, I understood it to be a "Songwriter's Conference".......but no, no it was not. :c)  But it turned out to be better for me than what i expected because it was all about the things I'm hesitant to do when it comes to a music career.

So the big neon blinking sign that I left with from the conference is, "If you are working a 9-5 job and doing music in the evenings and on weekends, you are a hobbyist.  If you are living off your art, you are an artist."  And, "Be honest with yourself about where you are on the spectrum."  Well I am completely on the left side of that spectrum (hobbyist).  So I have all these new things to think about, which come with numerous fears!  

Do I really want to work toward being an "artist" living off her art?

How do I do that?

Can I do that?

Is that how music is supposed to fit in my life?

Should I be content with being a hobbyist?

Are my fears fears to overcome or fears to warn against moving in the wrong direction?

.......haha just to name a few...... The speakers at the conference said several times that independent artists have to wear all the hats unless you have tons of money to pay others.  Well a) I do not have tons of money and b) I don't know that I can honestly wear all the necessary hats.....but i do love hats..... :c) ------------->

So I'm currently feeling overwhelmed but balanced by a good measure of hope and comfort that I don't have to make anything happen.  I'm trying to figure out where I should reside between pursuit and patience, confidence and humility, and openness and boundary.  So my mind is busy, but I hope I'm able to accomplish some tasks in the midst of my distracting thoughts....not really a multitasker........at all.

I'm playing at Lindberg's on Commercial Street Thursday March 19th!  Elizabeth Losson will be playing as well!  I'm not sure what time yet......I believe it begins around 7?  I'll update when I find out.  Happy St. Patty's Day!!!  I forgot to wear green today......don't even get me started...... G'night!!

....those three words.....

So first of all......I got a truck!!!! ahh i would be happy to never have to peruse another car lot in my life.  i realize it's probably inevitable, but i'm hoping to drive this truck for many many many......many years. :c)
As for the subject of this post, love has been on my brain lately. I've been very aware of how others love me and how i choose to love others. I've noticed a trend in saying "those three words." It's no longer three words.....it's only two words. I keep hearing, "ok talk to you later. Love you." Yes, ladies and gentlemen, "love you" has replaced the three classic words used throughout history to express love verbally. Three words wasn't short enough? Efficiency efficiency efficiency!
Why does this bother me? Well, if you know me well, you know that I have been trudging through that murkiness for as long as it takes to find out. It bothers me that we, yes i'm including myself in this conundrum, have taken the ownership out of loving each other. "Love you,"......who loves you? "I love you," leaves no room for speculation as to who is doing the loving. I cringe every time I catch myself saying this to someone else, but yet.....I rarely correct my statement of "love you" to say "no, I love you."
To me, the correct understanding of this altered statement, "Love you," is actually a command telling 'you' to love yourself. If someone says, "Feed Sarah," we don't understand it to mean, "I feed Sarah." No, it means "You feed Sarah." Does that make sense? Since the true joy comes from the act of loving others, why not own it? Anyway, these are my thoughts. Comments and feedback are certainly welcome. :c) Well, music update! I will be recording one of my songs at Sean Lea's studio in Springfield, MO soon! I'm working my way up to having enough songs to make an album. :c) Thanks again to everyone that's been asking for a cd! It's very encouraging and motivating for me to finish one for you to have!! Well, I am going to take a walk with my dog, Tolmi, in this lovely weather. More to come soon!

Two words.......chai cupcakes......

I am so overwhelmed lately with kindness from so many!  It is certainly not a bad way to be overwhelmed. :c)

For those of you new to the madness that mixes together to make up me, I LOVE to be cared for.  I'm quite independent, but if you willingly "hold me up" in any way I definitely receive it.  Now, one might say, "who doesn't like to be cared for?"  I think that everyone deep down likes it, but not everyone is able to receive it easily or well.  I receive it well, but get all freaked out when attempting to actively care for others.  

I say that to offer great appreciation to the people that have been encouraging and loving me.  I love when people make me things.  A friend I've known since freshman year of college came to town and stayed with me last night.  She brought me homemade cupcakes......chai tea cupcakes.  Somehow she steeped some chai tea and put it into the cake mix and made a special spice-ish frosting!  Another fact about me, I love miniature things......from my brother's micro machines to travel sized things to......chai cupcakes.  Thanks, Sarah. :c)

Four of my family members came into Springfield to visit me this weekend!  Thanks Mom, Dad, SB, and KB!

This picture was taken by Mike.  He and his wife attended the show at Big Momma's Thursday night.  He took this pic of me and posted a blurb about his experience on his blog.  Thank you for the encouragement, Mike.  Your words mean so much.  Check out his blog http://ozarkphotos.blogspot.com  

Thanks to everyone that has posted on here or encouraged me in any way.  It's amazing what a difference you make.    

p.s. I stopped listening to "Thinking of You" because it was negatively affecting my mood, but I love her song "I Think I'm Ready"............ I CAN relate to that one :c)

-lee ellen