yeah that's me......

I was recently playing at an outdoor gig and a friend from college was there. I sang the song that I played the first night I EVER played guitar and sang in front of a live audience of people other than family or close friends. Such a monumental experience.... Well this friend, Betsey, was there that night, Amateur Night on Drury University's campus, 2003. I know....I'm so dramatic. So she shouts out, "I was there." I was surprised by alittle validation that crept up in me in that moment. To be known is a human desire across the board I think. I caught myself thinking, "That really did happen because she was there and saw it happen." And so an unknown need was satisfied by the three words, "I was there." Anyway, so then Betsey shouts out, "Could you play that song you wrote about dancing?" I typically tie songs and albums to different memories or sections of my life. (ex. Lauryn Hill's The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill most definitely tied to the summer after my sophomore year in high school).

I do the same thing with songs I've written obviously for even more personal reasons. It's kind of two fold though because the song itself is about a past experience or experiences I've had and then secondly, I tie it to what I'm experiencing at the moments around the time I wrote the song. Does that make sense? I find that when a song sort of "falls" out of me, I realize what it's REALLY about after I've written it. Like oh?....oh! haha

so back to the original story......the song about "dancing" Betsey mentioned is the first song I ever wrote called, "Dance." Face value, it's about growing up as the girl who was not asked to dance at the dances. Now before you give me that gross, sad "awwww," on a deeper level it's about realizing I have unmet desires and needs and insecurities and......stuff. Now before you give me another gross, sad "awwww," it has a happy ending. :c) haha not because I'm fixed and have it figured though.....make no mistake! I was a senior in college when I wrote it though so this song also ties me to closing up the chapter of college and being anxious about what that all meant. So Betsey had no idea the flood of emotion she hacked into by surprising me with that request! haha If I know I'm gonna play it, I can prepare the boundaries as necessary.

I remember the first few times I sang "Dance" even for close friends and how I felt like going to put on a winter coat after playing it. I was sharing a side of me that I wasn't quite familiar with yet. "yeah that's me...." :c)

I'm sitting in a coffeeshop in Springfield, MO. A few bands just finished playing and are cleaning up. I think as a musician it's AS important to attend shows as it is to perform shows!! So refreshing and inspiring! Postcards are slowly but surely going out! I won't confirm the recording dates til I've written all the postcards......I've decided that because it's important to me to communicate with all of you. :c) It's AUGUST!!! crazy madness! g'night!

I slightly bicced my front yard today :c)

So I actually love mowing the lawn, but I get around to it maybe once a month....ya know right before the neighborhood sicks city ordinance on me probably. And once a month just doesn't cut it ;) ;) for summer months in Missouri. So tonight, yes Friday night, I pulled out the old push mower from the rusted shed in my backyard and......mowed the lawn. I was having such a nice time that I thought I'd go over the front one more time and cut it shorter so maybe next month it wouldn't be quite the jungle it was today. I dare say I got slightly ambitious and left dirt patches where grass once was..... Tolmi was sitting on the front porch barking at every person that came by. I was listening to Ani DiFranco in one ear because one side on my headphones is dead. With the hum of the mower, I heard something new in her song, "Everest." I could really only hear the bass and the higher notes in her vocal melody. It was reminiscent of Billie Holiday!! Now, I did listen to some Billie today, but it completely caught me by surprise. The bass line held many qualities of the standards Miss Holiday made original, and Ani's higher range has a similarity I never noticed before to Billie's signature sound. hmm

Anway, I gave blood today! The reason that is note-worthy is that I have been trying for YEARS to give blood. I haven't pursued it, but I always sign up when a blood drive is nearby. So many different reasons it hasn't worked in the past......low iron, low iron, low iron, blood clotted before full pint, and last time I tried my heart rate was TOO high! I'm not afraid of needles so it wasn't that I was anxious. The nurse said sometimes people's resting heart rates are too high to give. oh but today, I was a lovely two digits below the disqualifying heart rate. All of that to say......

I'm terribly squemish with bloody situations. I'm not afraid of needles, but seeing blood triggers my gag reflex. So while mowing tonight, probably somewhere on the post-donating sheet "don't"s, I kept nervously expecting my right arm to suddenly start gushing blood like a geyser. I started the push mower using my left arm to avoid the geyser. I had taken the arm band off so I just had a regular bandaid there. I'm very task-oriented and completing tasks pushes me to my limits at times. So i kept glancing down at my arm as I mowed watching a little bit of blood slowly show up on the back of the bandaid. And I felt abit light-headed because I hadn't eaten dinner yet, but I could not stop.

Speaking of task-oriented, I kept thinking of interesting things to type on my blog tonight and there were SOOOOO many :c), but somehow they were all tied together and I didn't know how to only give you a piece so I just started with tonight. Otherwise, this would be terribly longer than it is already! Oh there are so many things I want to say......I guess you'll just have to hang out with me sometime...:c)

I am now the Executive Assistant to the president at my full time job, which means busy busy busy. I LOVE that, but please help me stay on track with my love for music. My friend, Vanessa Benkert, designed some postcards for me. She is going to help me with much of my merchandise/marketing/website designs so the postcards are a taste of that yumminess. Please send me your mailing address if you'd like a postcard from me. Thank you for all of your encouragement and support!!! And I'm still working on confirming recording dates but soon!!

I remember where I was....

My friend, Mike Young, took this picture of me at the gig at the Potter's House, Saturday night.  It was super muggy on the back porch, but for some reason it just seemed right to be out there.  It made me think of my first gig at the PoHo (Potter's House).  I played a show as Beyond the Fleece with "my boys," John Whitaker and Dustin Tompkins. :c)  This was our band name in college at Drury University.  Remembering that lovely time made me think of my first "gig" ever by myself.  I was interning in a tiny town a little drive from Philadelphia, PA called Womelsdorf....yes Womelsdorf. :c)  A short drive down the main drag and you were quickly in Robesonia, PA.   My fellow interns and I found ourselves at a bar in Robesonia called Goodfellas behind the family-owned Italian restaurant, Giannotti's, one night.  When the house band took a smoke break, the owner of the bar came over and asked if any of us could play something because he knew we were all music therapists.  Teryn, the intern that lived in the room next to mine, pointed at me saying, "This girl sings in her room every night!  She's awesome!"  I figured people could hear me sing in my room, but no one had commented on it at that point.  So blushing all the while, the lead singer let me borrow her acoustic and I played my song, "Stare."  Long story short (haha right....), the owner, Andre Giannotti, asked me to play there once a week.  I will never forget that.  I still get nervous every time I play, but this was the childlike fear of new experiences.  I would just come in with a janky microphone and an amp, and sometimes no equipment at all.  haha Thanks to Goodfellas and the Giannottis for that encouragement and support from my very beginning as a wee little artist!  :c)

p.s. I spoke with David Smith of VanSmith Studios.  He gave me several dates to choose from for recording so I'm on my way to cashing in my wonderful, wonderful birthday present!  A friend of mine designed some postcards for me so I will hopefully be mailing those out soon.  I will send some emails and facebook to get correct mailing addresses for all you amazing individuals that inspire and motivate me so much.

Gig tonight starts at 9:30 instead of 8!!!

Introducing...........Tolmi Soccer!

Let me take this moment to apologize for my ridiculous "talking to Tolmi" voice in this video.... Tolmi does this on a regular basis at my house, but he usually stops before I get the camera out.  I find it extremely entertaining so I thought I'd share. :c) 

So I took Tolmi for a walk right as the sun set below the horizon today.  Ya know when it looks like everything is lit from the light down the hall.  I caught myself thinking about how I always admire those parents that I see out with the strollers, taking a walk with the kids.  It seems like another thing to add into a crazy, busy day so thank you to those parents!  But I feel like I was let in on a little secret tonight...... As I walked Tolmi, I felt satisfied because I was doing something for Tolmi and he was undoubtedly pleased.  Then, I noticed that I was relaxing even with the consistent tug on my arm from Tolmi reminding of the reality of the moment.  It's some mixture of that lifeline anchoring you in reality, plus the way the air comes at you when walking briskly that happens to give you the opportunity to let go for abit.  I was suddenly seeing everything creatively, fairly comfortable in my own skin, and every thought I had about my surroundings seemed almost like the beginning of a poem....or a song maybe.  I walked through a little park, and noticed a significant increase in lightning bugs all around.  Then, I walked past a hospital and noticed the lack of lightning bugs in the grassy areas in that area.  Many symbolic, life thoughts about the bugs themselves and why they congregate where they do and how that relates to people and the fact that their lights blink off and on........yes many thoughts........ah but I need to take Tolmi on walks more often in the cool of the evening.

Music update: I'm playing a gig at the Potter's House this Saturday, July 11th.  Probably around 8pm, but I'll confirm that as soon as I know!  Good night! :c) 

Life threw a hubcap at me yesterday....

So I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I should just not drive..... After my hydroplaning, median-hitting incident, I recently found out that I have a bent wheel AND apparently need four new tires. SO I went to a wedding this weekend in Memphis and do not A) have the new wheel yet and B) currently have the money for four new tires. Due to all of this, I opted to rent a car this weekend to drive to Memphis. On my way back Monday afternoon, I was doing my best to avoid semis, certain that their tires might peel off their wheels and slap my tiny Nissan Sentra at any moment. And lo and behold.......I'm driving in the middle lane and the car in the right lane ahead of me has a complete blowout and the hubcap comes flying at my car!!!! i mean really? I swerve alittle but can't move to the left lane because a car is next to me so the little Sentra eats the hubcap. I look in my rear view mirror to make sure it doesn't get stuck under the car and sure enough it rolls on out behind me. I'm thankful it didn't fly up and hit the windshield or anything, but really? meh so hopefully there was no other damage to the rental.....

anywho! this pic (note the date) is from when I spent a semester in Greece. I recently used the backpack in the picture for a weekend trip. Immediately when I began packing, I remembered packing that tiny backpack for a 9 day spring break trip visiting Paris, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. I think I packed like two or three outfits, wore some sandals, and tied my hiking boots to the outside of the backpack. Great memories! And of course, I found a horse to get a picture with while in Greece.......they just make me happy! :c) This pic was actually taken in Thessaloniki, Greece, I believe.

Music update: I recently met with three talented ladies to discuss album artwork, business cards, merch items, and anything else marketing-wise we could think of. I'm hoping to schedule my recording hours for late July or sometime in August. And there is a show with the lovely and talented Liz Sapp in the works! I'll post the details as soon as we get that ironed out......hm i should probably use irons sometimes..... anyway all weekend I listened to The Be Good Tanyas, Hello Love album! so good! tata! or in Greek, Yasas!

harmony...

I love to hear harmony in songs....good harmony that is. It can make me cry or just freeze me i guess. I've been listening to Tony Lucca and Ernie Halter harmonize alot lately. I love their voices together. I also enjoy the three part harmony of the Wailin' Jennys and also Jenny Lewis' album with twins.....their names escape me. Harmony is so intimate to me. I found in thinking about my "history of harmony" that I rarely let others harmonize with me.

See here's the "lee ellen's strange world" take on harmony. If I harmonize with your melody, then I'm caring and supporting you as you travel through the song. It's funny because in real life this is really foreign and difficult for me, but I find it easy and natural in song. On the other hand when you harmonize with me you're caring and supporting me through a song. I find this very difficult to do in songs, but very easy in life.

I'm sure I have had people harmonize with me randomly, but if it's a practiced song for a performance it's different. I feel closer to the person after letting them sing harmony for me....... I TOLD YOU it was strange! I learn something new about myself every day. What have you learned about yourself today? haha

I recently found out what I thought was 9 hours in the studio will end up being 12 HOURS!!! so thank you thank you thank you everyone! I'm hoping to get two 6 hour days scheduled in July. I'll keep you updated. Summer is here. Drive with the windows down. :c)