lee ellen starks

This is my story, this is my song......

2011-09-28T19:54:00.004-05:00

I have been hesitant to talk about my life with God on here. I chalked it up to my music being more secular than sacred. I also blamed it on you. I figured it would annoy someone or make them uncomfortable.....make my life less enjoyable for the reader. I apologize for that. Lucky for you, I have realized that it's not fair of me to guess your response. I have also realized that being people of integrity, respectable and apparently slightly interested in my ramblings, you might want the whole me. Who am I to withhold such a huge piece of pie from you (imagining my time spent as a pie chart)? Well get ready to devour a delicious piece of pie.....A LA MODE :D If you have found enjoyment in my other posts, I promise this one will not disappoint....full of silliness as well as seriousness.

It all started around the age of fifteen actually. I obviously lived for fifteen years before that, but I'm gonna do my best to skim this life story down for you. At fifteen things were surprisingly good. I had a best friend, my older sister had a boyfriend in a band so I got to go to shows all the time, my two years of braces had come and gone, I was on the dance team, I had a family that raised me to see the beauty in myself, and somehow for a period of time I had a group of guy friends that saw me as the "cool" girl that could "hang" with the guys.....amazing right?

Well my best friend sort of shook things up, and believe me, I am forever thankful for it. I grew up in a church-going family. I remember my Mom praying with me before bed as a child, and knowing my Dad was very knowledgeable in Christianity. I think every kid reaches a level of maturity that requires them to step away from their upbringing long enough to make a decision for themselves. That was fifteen to sixteen for me. I saw the part God played in my best friend's life, and that there was a personal passion in it for her. I had too many doubts just leaning on my upbringing. So I started asking questions.....being the devil's advocate in more ways than one I'm sure. My best friend, a fiery redhead with a temper to match, fought with me on several occasions but I can see now that she was fighting for Truth. I didn't experience a traumatic event or lose everything I had, but I finally recognized the Truth of God. And if I believed it was Truth, that meant God had plans for me while I was here on earth. So.....in the summer of my sweeeeeet sixteen, I made a decision to follow Jesus Christ.....not based on my family, not prompted even by my best friend, it was just between God and I.

A few years later in college, I was introduced to a song. I immediately started crying because my best friend, mentioned above, was this for me. She labored in Love with me through that time, and my life is forever changed. The lyrics were "I wouldn't be here with the Lord if you hadn't stayed by my side through and through. Faithfully, you carried me on as my tears and my joys were shed and told. Night and day God heard my prayer, and a blessing was the answer to my call. And it was you." (song by Shannon LaBrie Whitson) My family was obviously a huge part of this decision as well. They laid the foundation. As a typical adolescent, I didn't go to my family with my doubts. I went to my best friend. I praise God for her wisdom at such a young age.

I made my decision on July 24th, which means I just celebrated my 12th anniversary of walking with God! Life has been anything but boring. There have been periods of waiting, but in retrospect I see that they were times of preparation. God has taken me to the tops of mountains literally in Colorado, huffing and puffing in the elevation and singing silly songs to motivate the group to endure and persevere. Any of you who have hiked to the top of a mountain know how worth it it is. God has taken me to the tops of metaphorical mountains, one in particular was hiking to the summit of emotional healing. Sheeeeesh, there is freedom there that I had never ever known. God has taken me to Green Bay, Wisconsin to lead nationwide youth groups through week long mission trips. When God puts you in a leadership position, get ready to have Him download wisdom and knowledge. Sidenote: Followers of Christ, we should ALWAYS remain teachable. God had taken me to Greece. I spent three months in churches only in Greek, and in a community of almost no other Christians. Huge impact on developing my personal devotion to God with no encouragement or "Christian bubble" (as I'm sure many have heard this term). God has taken me to a children's home in Pennsylvania working with troubled youth. Maybe the toughest six months of my life so far, but I wouldn't trade it. God has taken me to Memphis. I went out of obedience and had the experience of truly starting over. I continue to see fruits from that adventure. God has taken me to Missouri where more things happened than I can record. I learned how to walk with God in Missouri. I learned about His true Love for us. I learned how to serve in the Body of Christ. I learned how to listen for His Voice.

So to come clean with all my dancing around the truth of the matter. I did not come to California a) solely for music or b) to make it big or c) to find a husband (I know I know it's crossed my mind, but laughable when next to Truth) My latest adventure has been God taking me to California. I live my life according to His Word and hearing His Voice leading me. I spend time with God almost every day. Yes, those people do exist. :) God confirmed for six months that He wanted me in Los Angeles while I complained and squirmed saying, "I don't want to live in LA." I finally said, "Yes, I'll go." I spent the first few months being surprised at how well everything was going and at how much I like it here. Now, I just smile because every day God is showing me that He is my Provider, and He is faithful and a giver of good things. It doesn't surprise me anymore. I live every day expecting Christ to show up.

This may be too much for some people. It's easy to get Christian-y and cliche. You may be thinking, "Why bring this up now after almost two years of blogging?" Well lately my music, my life, and my God have been intertwining in a whole new way. I can't separate them now! It's been a new level of deep rooted joy and blessing beyond measure. And all I'm doing right now is working, singing at church, and reading the Bible and praying.

Amos 5:4 For thus says the Lord to the house of Israel, "Seek me and LIVE."

The reason I decided to blog this is because I had kept this part of my life evasive on here and I just can't anymore. Also because my pastor out here said in a sermon recently, "No one can debate your story." This is just my story, a HUGE part of my life, but not up for debate and not meant to rustle any feathers in YOUR story.

So life is good. Right now I'm focused on being humble, fearless, and LOVING.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Yup, that's in the bible.

Well, I loved having you over for pie. I hope you are pleasantly surprised by its richness and depth of flavor. Sorry I hid it in the fridge for awhile, only hinting at its existence. hm hm hm I told you silliness would be in here. But seriously. :)

More updates coming but this post is already looooooooong as usual.

G'night!!!

Pride is the opposite of humility.....

2011-09-01T08:46:00.000-05:00

Some stuff I've been reading......

"When Jesus tells us to love our enemies, He Himself will give us the love with which to do it. We are neither factories nor reservoirs of His love, only channels. When we understand that, all excuse for pride is eliminated." -Corrie Ten Boom

"But the consummation of the marriage does not come to pass until the soul is so melted, annihilated, and freed from self that she can unreservedly flow into God. Then that admirable fusion of created and Creator is accomplished, which brings them into unity, so to speak, though with the same infinite disproportion that exists between a single drop of water and the ocean. The drop has become ocean yet it forever remains a little drop, though it has become assimilated in character with the waters of the ocean, and is therefore fit to be mingled with it and to make but one ocean with it." -Madame Jeanne Guyon

“Son of man, I have broken the arm of Pharaoh king of Egypt, and behold, it has not been bound up, to heal it by binding it with a bandage, so that it may become strong to wield the sword. Therefore thus says the Lord God: Behold, I am against Pharaoh king of Egypt and will break his arms, both the strong arm and the one that was broken, and I will make the sword fall from his hand." Ezekiel 30:21-22

I'm reading these three books at the same time. One day they all matched up on the subject of pride. Suddenly, I saw pride popping up all over the place in my life. I realized that in most cases of pride personally, I am simply using it to mask different fears. In response, I've been attacking fears lately. It's exhausting but worth it!

Anywho, I have been busy with weddings, visiting family in Kansas City, surviving in LA, making new friends out here (yay!), having old friends visit (yay yay!!), and helping with my ten year high school reunion. yes.......Here's a pic of me in junior high on the dance team. I'll let you guess which one is me. :) I could not attend the reunion since it was back in Arkansas and I'm in California, but had the opportunity to try and round up as many of our classmates as possible. I don't have a yearbook with me out here so this was quite a task. As I reconnected with several high school classmates, I recognized that I could only think of them as the eighteen year old version of themselves. For some, I have obviously kept in touch and still know them today but others I only saw through high school graduation. I found out that ten of my classmates have passed away. That's one per year. I only had around 300 in my class so I at the very least knew everyone's face. How much does everyone change in ten years? It made me wonder how much I've changed since high school. Me as an eighteen year old vs. Me as a twenty-eight year old. Yeeeeeeesh. I've lived with the changes so they don't seem as significant or drastic, but I hope someone that knew me at eighteen would notice changes in me now. I just thought of how everyone writes in your yearbook "Don't ever change." Oops! haha

I have to confess that I was kind of glad that I couldn't get back home for the reunion. I haven't taken one of the normal routes at this point in life. I didn't get plugged in to a career and climb the corporate ladder and I haven't gotten married either. Not to stereotype too much but being from the South, most of my classmates have done one or both of these by this age. Many of the girls have multiple children!!! So the "What have you been up to for the last ten years?" question seems quite daunting. I don't have a short, chit-chat, answer for that question. Yet again, pride rears its ugly head because I fear that I haven't "done" enough with my life. :( I do wish I could go and ask all of them tons of questions because I like listening to people. But I'm pretty sure I couldn't dodge every question directed at me.

I have been playing a few more gigs here as well! Here's a video of me performing a WIP (work in progress) at one of my recent shows! Enjoy! Thanks for stopping by! If you want to connect with me elsewhere online, check out my website! It has all the links to my other social media. www.leeellenstarks.com G'night!

Caution: Not for the Faint-hearted!!

2011-04-27T00:02:00.004-05:00

**The reading of this post may cause convulsions, vomiting, and/or night terrors**

Let me just tell you a few things. Several readers that know me have found it comforting that I blog exactly the way I talk. Well, this blog will be no exception. Sometimes I say things that some find inappropriate or taboo. Consider yourself warned, but this is not a disclaimer....I claim these statements. :)

So Tolmi's favorite plundering item to find is the bathroom trash. Yes, we're going there. I have lived with him four years and therefore have a trash with a lid in the bathroom. My poor roommate has been learning this lesson the hard way because her bathroom trash has no lid. He's very ninja-like in his stealth speed, jetting into her room oh so quietly and digging til he finds the "prize" item. He has to leave the crime scene quickly though so he carries his (every word I'm thinking of right here grosses me out) ________ into a well-traveled area concealed neatly inside his mouth. It's only when he decides to disassemble it that the full horror of the situation is realized. I have reached into Tolmi's mouth for many things I really don't want to touch. Partly because I don't know what they might do to his insides, but mostly because I don't really want to see them come out the other end. I distinctly remember pulling one of these items out of his mouth yesterday because a few minutes later he wanted me to pet his face and I said, "No, you just sucked on a bloody tampon." Yep, that's what I said. A sentence I never planned on saying in my life.

Later that afternoon at the dog park, Tolmi starts to do his "business" as we call it. I notice about six inches of "business" hanging from his bottom as he runs from the place he squatted. He's freaking out a bit because this doesn't usually happen. This causes his muscles to flex and more "business" comes out. If you can imagine at this point, Tolmi has about two feet of "business" in a rope or monkey tail of sorts hanging out of his bottom. He is frollicking and spinning around trying to chase his second "tail" to disconnect it. I am holding the tools at the dog park commonly used to pick up after your dog. One looks like a scoop attached to a pole and the other looks like a hoe. I'm running around after him to hopefully with some athletic talent I don't possess masterfully detach the "business" from his bottom with the hoe tool. He stopped long enough for me to do this the first time. But.....it happened THREE times!!! Luckily I guess, somehow he worked the other two out himself. What a spectacle though. Tolmi growing a second tail at the dog park three times and me, running after him saying, "What did you eat?" My roommate later confirmed that he ate a trash item before she could retrieve it. I know this happens in some form to most pet owners at one time or another. My sister's German Shepherd once ate a whole roll of paper towels and her bottom was like a dispenser for the next few days. My brother had a cat that got into some dental floss.....and yeah....ew. Oh Tolms......the things we do for love. haha

So I've been driving around in Los Angeles. The other day I was thinking, "Hey, I think I'm starting to relax behind the wheel here now." I went into this whole thought process about how crazy it is that we all trust each other driving around in these huge metal boxes. We trust that we will drive well and not cause accidents, but even moreso we trust that total strangers will follow the rules enough to not crash into us. Or that someone won't throw in the towel and decide to play bumper cars on purpose. Not kidding, as I'm thinking this I'm driving on a four lane street. I'm driving south in the left lane. A convertible traveling north suddenly pulls out of the north-bound left lane into my south-bound lane. I went into frozen mode for a second and he PASSES me in the south-bound right lane!!! The overpass to get on the 101 was right behind me so I don't know how that all turned out, but WHAT??? He looked so calm! I don't know if I explained this accurately, but it was one of those "Am I awake right now?" moments.

In other news, I'm making great first impressions left and right in my role as barista at M Street Coffee these days. True story/true conversation:

Customer orders her regular and places her backpack on the counter to retrieve money to pay.

Me: Threeeee Twenty-fiiiiiiive (in a thick Southern accent)
Customer: (stares/glares at me for a moment) Are you being an asshole right now?
Me: What? I just said three twenty-five.
Customer: Oh I thought you looked at my bag and said, "reeeeeally expensive baaaaag." (rude tone, thick with sarcasm) I mean I know it's a cheap bag, but. I was like wow, they changed the overall vibe here with the remodel. (sidenote: we just reopened from being closed two weeks for a remodel)
Me: (completely blushing with embarrassment) Oh no no no. (Laughing off the awkwardness)

Awesome first impression.

I told my boss and the next time the customer came in she brought it up to her. We all laughed about it. Mine was a partially scared laugh. The customer commented on how it was so strange because she literally thought I said, "really expensive bag," then made eye contact with her, and smiled sweetly. She said she thought, "What is this chick a serial killer?" Yikes! haha That dang creepy cute factor follows me wherever I go. So yeah, don't you worry about me....I'm making creepy, rude impressions all over the place.

Speaking of creepy, I do not watch scary movies. It's like knowing eating cashews makes you break out in hives. Who would eat cashews on purpose if they know hives will inevitably show up? I cannot handle scary movies, even stupid scary. My imagination runs wild with plot lines and twists and eventually everything scary that could happen in and around my life has crossed my mind. I watched a movie from my roommate's DVD collection recently that I thought would be a sad story with a redemptive ending from reading the back. NOT SO! Suddenly a twist in the story includes a serial killer and several graphic images. Where is the "trash" file in my brain? Not only was it scary, the ending doesn't ever resolve. That's the only hope for me in these situations. If I start watching something scary, I have to watch to the end in hopes that resolution occurs. Meh, anyway.......no scary movies for me please. I'm sick of getting hives!

Next things on my to do list:
1) Gig this Saturday in Bell Gardens, CA. I don't really know what to expect. They booked me off GigSalad (http://www.gigsalad.com/lee_ellen_starks_springfield). And yes, I've thought of every horrible possible scenario due to my recent cinematic undertaking. Don't worry, I will walk in there mace first. It's another night with several musicians so I look forward to meeting more people!
2) Befriend a person living in the building next door with a pool in their courtyard. I've heard scary stories about summer in the Valley.....
3) Attend a Songwriting Workshop! I've never had any formal training in songwriting so I'm excited and terrified about this! It's on May 4th so coming up!
4) Embark on a new project with some new friends creating a marketable product that involves me getting out the old sewing machine. :D :D :D
5) Stop eating Easter candy......stop.........ok now stop.....shoot

See I ended with candy so it was okay, right? Whoa, I just read over this. This post makes me think of that time when snakes started flying out of my lawn mower! This blog post=definition of a scatterbrain

Ok go watch this video. It'll relax you from my silliness. I love the part at minute 3:10. :) Goodnight!

Dream a Little Dream....

2011-04-16T00:43:00.005-05:00

I started a long post with this, but......I'm feeling quiet.

I'm on a mission out here.....a treasure hunt.....an adventure.......a quest....and it's taking me down different paths than I expected. Nice paths though where the trees bend over the road on each side, and I can see the stars out (even in LA) while walking in the cool of the evening.....I like puzzles, but I also like surprises.....so I'm trying to balance out my logic and anticipation of what's around the bend. Nice paths though.

I don't know what you like, but I wanted to give you a present. I decided I would put this little good night video only on this blog. I hope you like it. Thanks for checking in.

Leah Lynn, Lee Jane, Ellen, Lou Ellen, Lee Something......

2011-04-02T01:10:00.011-05:00

I'm the new person all the time these days. I've shaken so many hands and clearly enunciated my name too many times to count in the past month. I'm here.....in California. Too much has happened since I last blogged, and I keep meaning to record a brief (haha right?) summary of it here. Honestly, it has become too daunting. I'm too chronological and detailed and we'd easily have a novel in the works. To save time on writing, perfecting, editing, revising, editing, sending to publishers, cover artwork, publishing, printing, pricing, distribution......I'm just gonna give you the good stuff. Here are a few of my favorite things about my life in LA so far.

1)My Dad came to my rescue in Amarillo. Okay this was pre-LA, but certainly the reason I made it here. He literally wore his "Dad's Rescue Service" shirt depicted on

the right. Long story of car trouble, but he drove all night to come help. What amazing parents I have. This was the tip of realizing how hard it would actually be to leave all my friends and family. The Grand Canyon (below),as amazing as it was/is, seemed to further symbolize the growing distance.

2) I have a new roommate! I had somehow forgotten what a quirky, okay really just weird at times, social introvert I am. I was settled in to a community for years that knew my quirks and somehow forgot they do still exist and ultimately are quirks. She has put up with me with such grace. Living with someone truly is like having someone hold up a mirror. Eeeek! Communication IS key. It has been so great to be on this adventure with another person! Sometimes we just go, "We live in California now?!?"

3)Dog Parks or should I say Tolmi's ALL TIME FAVORITE thing about the move has been the dog park. It has been my

saving grace or my sanity saver or something. I think if I had waited one more day Tolmi would've literally climbed the walls of our apartment. I think I've mentioned before that I'm pretty sure in human form Tolmi would be jock or a cool kid. It's been fun to see him strut his stuff around the other dogs. Unfortunately, he tends to be the annoying one that humps all the dogs. Yeeeesh! I've been schooling myself abit in selflessness, and I've failed alot in the area of attitude. When Tolmi wants to pee, I'm not in Missouri where I can open a door and let him frollick in a fenced yard. I have to drag myself out of bed, clothe myself, shoe myself, leash Tolms, and grab my keys, my phone, and a poo bag all while Tolmi is doing the kidney dance around me. For those who know me well, this is quite alot of activity in my first fifteen minutes of the day. I'm still learning the selflessness lesson....but I love my Tolmers.

4) There's a house at the end of my alley. Our strip is mostly apartment buildings, but there is one house on the end. It has a garage that faces the alley. Often right before sundown, an older gentleman has the garage open revealing this beautiful old car. I know almost nothing about cars, but it looks like a Model T to my car-ignorant brain. I like to make up stories about he and the car as I walk by. I always try to make eye contact and say, "Hi," but he never looks up. Maybe some time I'll share one of those stories with you, but not now. :)

5) I love having my own bathroom. Most of you know baths are my stress reliever. I take one almost every night. So I need not explain much about loving my bathroom. It goes without saying for me. It's not an amazing bathroom, but I love it. Every night, I think about painting a sky scene on the high ceiling. Maybe when my painter friend comes to visit.

6) Walking to and from work. It's great thinking time and the scenery is obviously beautiful! I find myself often feeling pretty whimsical when outside here. I equally love the roof access in my building for this very reason. Here are a few of the palm trees that line the streets in my neighborhood.

7) Speaking of walking to work, I LOVE my new job. I love it because of the girls I work with though. They really make the place what it is. The vibe is so welcoming and home-y. It is such a blessing to get to call these girls friends. And the regulars are pretty awesome too. I am surrounded by creative people, and it's inspiring to say the least. Check out this place! www.mstreetcoffee.com If you live in LA, have a favorite coffee shop, and haven't been to M Street, you have not considered the best coffee shop in the area. And I'm a bit of a coffee snob after working in several cafes. When I moved to LA, I kept thinking, "I just need to find something to pay the bills right away." This place has already done so much more than "pay the bills." I can't say enough about my pleasant surprise in this part of life out here.

Ok there's so much more, but those are just a few of my favorite things. When I wait too long to write, I get very task oriented and lose the natural flow usually captured in recording a vivid experience in writing. To be honest, I fear this has happened here. As far as this list of my favorite things, I have watched The Sound of Music since childhood and still have a VHS of the movie. "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad" are some lyrics from a song in the movie. I have thought of this a couple of times during this transition, and it does help. This move to LA has been so good for the majority of all the parts. To tie in what I mentioned about realizing how hard it would be to move SO far from friends and family, I have been living that reality out for the last month. I have been confronted with the ache and loss of knowing and being known by people. I have completely started over in the friend area. I've done this several times in the past, but never with this much self awareness I guess. I know myself better today than any of my previous days. Due to this, I am keenly aware that I don't ever walk into a situation here without foundation to lay. Sure, some of it is just small talk with acquaintances, but most of it is "what do you..where do you....when did you...you like what?" My parents visited me recently, and I experienced that deep sigh kind of relaxation you have with people that know you.....really know you....without questions....it's already all been discussed. So for an introvert that loves quality time and quality conversation, I've been tapped out socially from meeting so many people but craving that deeper level stuff, ya know? Remembering all the good things listed above makes waiting for the friendships to develop bearable. :)

Quick interlude depicting one of my "pockets of shyness".....some musicians come regularly to the coffee shop. The owner introduced me to them as a singer/songwriter. They asked for my website so i wrote it down for them. The next week they came back for their Americanos. I assumed they had not checked out my website because the "no response" happens alot. As I handed one his drink, he said he checked out my website and that I have a great voice. I quickly shifted my eyes elsewhere, probably blushed, said "oh thanks...", and moved behind the espresso machine out of his line of vision. What am I, five?? Ugh, you'd think I'd never received a compliment before in my life! Professionalism, zero! Yikes! Where does that come from? So yes, one of my many "pockets of shyness" moments.

Here's to hoping I'm having more success in other music situations in this town.... I'm playing my first gig during an Artwalk in Newhall, CA on Thursday, April 7th at 5pm. I'll be at El Trocadero along with several other songwriters who will be performing throughout the evening.

All in all, I am safe, alive, and much more than well. I have my

heart set on recording some vivid experiences for you soon.....in word and in song. Thanks to everyone that has checked in on me via phone, skype, text, message, wall post, comment, etc. They have all been very timely and greatly appreciated. I make thank you gifts for you in my head, but I realize not everyone wants quilts, mixed tapes, and peanut brittle. I'm uploading a live performance on my youtube channel: leeellenstarks right now, but it's taking five years so set your watches for five years and check it. G'night!

ummmm........hm

Near the Griffith Observatory in LA

I'm moving........to........

2011-01-20T19:45:00.002-06:00

So I've been listening to the radio ALOT! The CD player in my vehicle is not working, and, like sushi, I continue to give mainstream music a good solid effort. For those of you familiar with "what's on," I'm baffled that currently Rihanna cannot remember her name.... I do try to sing along with Katy Perry's "Firework," but break into giggles during the chorus every time......"ah..ah..ah...hahahah." It works like that belly laugh game for me, which the goal is not to laugh but usually everyone does. If at least one person knows the game I'm referencing, this moment has been a success. And believe me, the radio goes "Back to December ALL THE TIME," thanks to Miss Swift. I don't hate most of these songs. The volume goes up when a bright spot like Mumford & Sons', "Little Lion Man" comes on....once a week or so. The songs that are repeated SO often are just not usually songs I would......repeat? Aside from that, recently I've noticed an increased play of Leona Lewis', "Bleeding Love." My theory is that radio stations do that when someone is about to come out with something new. I will listen to songs like this one and Jordin Sparks', "Battlefield" solely for the moment where the beat changes. In "Battlefield," this moment occurs when she sings, "You better go and get your armor." I love to feel the song become more fluid and it almost feels like slow motion. To me, it's the same experience when the landing gear on an airplane loses contact with the runway at takeoff. Or when a horse is trotting and breaks into a canter.

I was thinking about all of this in the car the other day and remembered a story. I rode horses alot growing up. I'm kind of an urban cowgirl though. I can't claim full authenticity. :) So this one time, my mom, dad, sister, and I were on a trail ride near our house. My sister and I were riding horses that weren't ours. If I remember correctly, there names were "Petey" and "Zach." I was in the front, and Sarah Beth was behind me followed by my parents. The horses knew the trails so well that they know when you are heading back to the barn. Our ride began right before they were usually fed every night. We were just taking a leisurely trail ride and enjoying the scenery. Suddenly, Petey blasts off like I kicked him in the flanks with spurs. I knew my parents didn't want their horses to run so I tried to slow him down. For those of you well-versed in horses, you have to "show them who's boss" or they will "try" you the entire ride. So I was doing everything I had been taught to get him to stop but to no avail. Somewhere deep inside I didn't mind it though because I love when horses canter (run). On a trail ride, horses typically follow the leader so all four horses were running. My parents were yelling at me to stop, and my sister and I were laughing uncontrollably (problem #1) while trying to stop our horses. When trying to get a horse under control in my experience, they typically walk sideways and buck alittle bit. Well in this case, he was running sideways back and forth on a narrow trail but luckily not bucking. My parents got their horses to stop, but my sister was still right behind me. At this point, I realized the horses knew it was dinnertime and they wanted to be ON TIME! I asked my sister if she was okay to keep running, and she said she was so finally I just pushed my heels down and enjoyed the ride. The horse knew exactly where he was going and knew the trail better than I did. My sister and I just laughed like maniacs all the way back to the barn. This is how I feel about the subject to this post. I have tried everything to get control of this move.....control of my next step......control of where I'm going. I've decided that I trust the horse. My horse knows where He's going and knows the trail much better than I do.

I'M MOVING TO LOS ANGELES!!! And I will not be late for dinner..... :c)

5, 4, 3, 2, 1......

2010-12-07T21:03:00.007-06:00

I've been thinking about how I remember things from childhood or even how a child retells a story. Unless someone tells me the full story, I remember strange fragments and clips. It's interesting what you recall years later.

I'm a sucker for live performances. I love the emotion in the moment. As for Burgundy Shoes by Patty Griffin, I prefer the studio version. I'm not certain of the intent or the origin for her of this song, but I always think of her either telling this story as a child or recalling a memory from childhood. I love how she references what she was wearing, how the seat felt on the bus, and the main line is "sun." As you ride a bus, what do you do? Look out the window. :) The middle section of this song brings tears to my eyes and she's just saying "sun." To be completely honest, I passed over this song at first because I thought the intro piano part sounded a bit like a Richard Marx throwback. : / Lucky for me as with most new music, I listen through the album completely once. I usually get stuck on one or two. After I wear those tracks out, I typically revisit the remainder and find a few more that I love. This was one of those remnants for me. I've added the lyrics to the end of this post.

It makes me think of how I remember things from childhood. I experienced my first Christmas not waking up Christmas morning with all of my cousins at my grandparent's home this year. It was strange and didn't feel at all like Christmas. For 26 years, I have waited at the top of the stairs with all of my cousins in age order on Christmas morning intently listening for the "ok" for us to trample down the stairs into the basement and open presents. Yes in my family until you have children, you are still considered one of the kids. :) I remember how huge the basement seemed when I was little. I had these roller skates that attached to your tennis shoes. I would skate around for what seemed like hours down there (probably more like ten minutes), and it felt just like a skating rink. I laugh when I think of how much smaller it actually is. My grandparents have owned that house since my Dad was seven. I love family history and family traditions and family trees. I was exhausted driving home over thanksgiving so I went through as much of my family tree as I could remember in my head and successfully stayed awake. I know.....weirdy.

I went to a Christmas Eve service this year by myself, and it felt like a scene out of a movie where the character feels lonely so every place they look are happy families, a Dad picking up his daughter, a Mom hugging her son, a husband with his arm around his wife. It was all I could do to focus on the biblical story of the birth of Jesus during the service with my head swimming of family. I thought of Mary and Joseph. I know historically December 25th isn't the actual birthday of Christ, but it is when we celebrate it. Taking that into account, Mary and Joseph were away from both of their families too and probably for the first time. I can't help but wonder what they must have thought about all the changes...how selfless they had to be. I can learn alot from that. That strange change in tradition was overwhelmingly blended with my sister having a baby on December 17th!! Talk about two different ends of the spectrum!! It has been quite the buffer to the first half of this paragraph. I can't believe how much I instantly love him. It's difficult to imagine how my sister must feel about him. He's literally mesmerizing. I just stare at him.....haha hopefully I'm not completely and creepily alone in that.... So this Christmas was different than any other in sad AND joyful ways.

It's almost 2011 which yada yada makes us all review the previous year. So much has happened and changed in 2010 for me. I never feel like I've done enough, but it is startling to think of how my life looked January 1st 2010 in comparison to a few days from now. I have rewritten this sentence three times: It is quite possible that I will be moving in February. :c) Stay tuned....I will let you know details when I'm good and ready ;) Happy New Year!! I have high hopes for 2011. You too?

Lyrics to Burgundy Shoes by Patty Griffin

We wait for the bus that's going to Bangor
In my plaid dress and burgundy shoes
In your red lipstick and lilac kerchief
You're the most pretty lady in the world
Sun

The bus driver smiles, a dime and a nickel
We climb on our seats, the vinyl is cold
"Michelle ma belle", the song that you loved then
You hold my hand and sing to yourself
Sun sun

The leaves are green and new like a baby
Tulips are red, now I don't miss the snow
It's the first day I don't wear my big boots
You hold my hand, I've got burgundy shoes
Burgundy shoes, burgundy shoes
Sun

Say What You Need To Say....

2010-11-10T19:12:00.004-06:00

I walked in the park with Tolmi on Sunday afternoon. It was really stunning. The park was packed with people. I did a fair share of people watching and speculating the lives I saw from these tiny moments of observation. The trees were singing and beautifully ridden with fall colors. I disagree with the idea of an "Indian Summer." We have just had some beautiful fall days with toasty warm afternoons. :c) I felt strangely connected to all the people in the park that day. Each eye contact made seemed to express we were all a part of something and new we were exactly where we should be at that moment. There was a peacefulness to it despite Tolmi's relentless speed. I have had other moments in life that I knew I was exactly where I should be. The blessing of these moments almost begs you to stay, but it's also in these moments that it can be so clear when it's time to move. (sidenote: my friend, Dominic, says hi. :)) So Tolms and I walked around with all of our "old" friends, smiling with familiarity. I sat on the pavilion steps to watch the sunset or the beginning of it. Tolmi sat still for the beginning, but had only so much restraint for the twelve squirrels scampering around in the grass. Ha it was no longer "our time" to be there apparently so we ventured off.

It's been a bit of that "Say What You Need To Say" stuff for me lately. It may not be in the original intent of the Mayer song, but important nonetheless. I've learned quite alot about my specific personality and also working with others through the different jobs I've had. My last job held this in high regard. We had team meetings almost quarterly about this subject. I learned some things I like about myself as well as things I dislike. One thing I know to be true about me is that if I make a verbal promise to you as small as it may be, it is as strong in my mind as a written contract that I've signed...in bloooood. haha no but really....not that I haven't broken promises or let people down, but it bothers me more than it even should probably. So why is this important for you to know.....why is anything I blog about important? haha It isn't, but I read blogs because I like to know people. A blog is not as satisfying as a face to face conversation, but the clips of thoughts give some insight to add to the quilt that represents you in my brain. Ah back to promises or even things I say... This fact about me makes what I say and don't say pretty important. When I'm ready to set a goal or consider a big decision, I start telling a few people to make it real and to start holding myself accountable to it. In that way, I NEED to say things to you so that I make a pact with myself to do it. In a strange way even though those I tell may not know it, I think that they are expecting me to do it because I said it as well. All of this adds up to better odds that I will reach my goals and make my decisions.

In telling people your goals and things you are considering, you also welcome advice, opinions, encouragement, and discouragement. This is the other side of "Say What You Need To Say." I welcome thoughts from others. I don't feel pressured or obligated to follow any advice, but I definitely consider these things. I'm a slow processor so it may take me a bit to "say" those things myself if I choose to agree with you. :) This part also lends itself to Glen Hansard's "Say It To Me Now." I'd rather your feelings and thoughts be expressed than withheld to my detriment or yours. Sometimes tough stuff needs to be said out of love. It will always come back to love if the original intent starts there.

So I've been doing some talking and people have been talking to me. In the words of Glen Hansard, "Because I'm picking up a message, Lord. And I'm closer than I've ever been before. So if you have something to say, say it to me now." If you haven't caught on yet, I'm setting some goals and making some big decisions. Thanks for reading. I like you guys. :c) This pic by M. Rinaye Photography is an accurate representation of how I feel riiiiiiight now.

Oklahoma City and finally EP Release!

2010-10-26T19:12:00.005-05:00

Oh guys we're to the end of the living room tour. My last traveling stop was in Oklahoma City with my good friends John and Rachel. Some history here, John (whom I refer to as my little brother) and Dustin (another brother) and I made up THE band, Beyond the Fleece. We recorded a little short album at the end of my college days at Drury. Here's a pic of us at our final show and album release. They teased me alot as brothers do and said our band was actually called, "Lee Ellen and the Boys." Great memories with these guys. The first song I had ever written was performed with them. We recorded at John's house, and he got to experience my unfiltered "recording studio" flip out from trying to record an original.....haha they put up with my shenanigans beautifully :c) Anyway, it was really great to play in his living room because he's been around from the beginning of my performances with instrumentation. He hasn't heard me in a few years though. It was great to hang out and play some covers we used to do together and his original "Seasons." Both "the boys" are married now and Dustin (pictured in the middle above) has a beautiful little girl! It's hard to believe we were college kids playing music in the little free time we had only five years ago. So I played in Oklahoma City Thursday night and drove back to Springfield Friday morning. I got back around noon to find my boxes of EPs had arrived so I frantically signed all the preorders and prepped for the EP Release! The venue was perfect, the crowd was perfect, the cookies my mom brought were perfect, the opening acts were perfect.......are you getting the idea? Everything was perfect! All the way down to the unidentified man that left in the middle of my set announcing to the crowd that he was a marine vet who killed people while we were safely sleeping in our beds. He left immediately after the statement so I squeaked out, "Thank you." And then after he walked out without thinking, I said into the mic, "I think he said he kills people, and I just said thank you...." My EP Release would not have been complete without that experience. And tons of my family came to show their support! Thank you thank you thank you to everyone for sharing that night with me. It is burned in my memory forever!!!

So this past Sunday I was stopped in my tracks by an honest and amazing seven year old. Whenever I sing at church, I am there early. Whenever I don't sing, I'm generally five minutes late. I noticed a trend of chatting with my little friend every week I am there early. This Sunday we talked about school and how she had learned her first Taylor Swift song on her pink guitar. I said something about how I enjoyed talking with her. And she said, "Sometimes I can't find you in the crowd." I knew the truth of that was that she couldn't find me because I either wasn't there or arrived too late to chat with her. Maybe that statement strikes a deeper chord than I can explain here, but I tell you what. Every Sunday I am in town, I will focus on arriving early on Sundays so she finds me in the crowd. :c) Here's a link to the love songlet I debuted at my release. video

HAPPY FALL EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Oil changes and sundry things......

2010-10-08T14:47:00.006-05:00

One of my least favorite things to do is car-related things. That's probably the only place I consciously feel discrimination these days. I know it still exists in other ways, but this is my experience. It was time for an oil change. I asked some guy friends where I should go. I called one place and the guy literally said, "oh wait, it just went up a few dollars today. Could you hold?" The guy quoted me $37, but I had a coupon for 15% off. When I got there, a sign on the wall said that oil changes are $34. They ended up charging me $34 with a 15% discount, but things don't always go that way. I just found out my bro-in-law can do oil changes and even change out my brakes so I will gladly drive to KC for my car work in the future.

Anyway, so I left off from my living room tour in Kansas City. From KC, I traveled out to west Kansas, Ashland to be exact. I was lucky enough to stay with my good friends Ben and Kaila. I rolled into town just in time for a quick dinner at a church potluck. BRISCUIT!!! haha and then went to the nursing home/assisted living center/hospital/doctor's office......yes all in one building! A group gathered at the nursing home, and I played a concert for them. A couple of residents sang along with the ones they knew. It was a very sweet crowd! One sweet lady came up to me afterward and complimented my guitar skills. She said, "And I was watching!" so cute! I had some good conversation catch-up time with Ben and Kaila before falling asleep in the most comfortable bed of my entire tour........I slept like a baby. I hit the ground running pretty early the next morning for Pine, CO. I got to stay in the cutest cabin ever for a couple of days and went hiking with one of my best friends, Valerie. They had a great BBQ at their cabin, and friends packed out the living room. We ate yummy food and made s'mores before retiring to the living room for some music. Valerie was present at my first performance at Drury when we were in college in 2003 I think. It was great to have her face in the room. I was so blessed by hanging out with my married friends that week. Valerie and Lewie have been married a couple of years. I learned so much by simply observing Valerie and Lewie and Ben and Kaila this week. They are two young couples of many that I know that I admire very much for a commitment to each other and keeping God at the center of their marriages.

Back to the present, last weekend my cousin Katie got married in Broken Bow, OK. We got to stay in some excellent log cabins! hot tub on the back deck! yayuh! The wedding party walked in to Temper Trap's "Sweet Disposition." So good! I played Bright Eyes' "The First Day of My Life" as they walked out. It was so great to see my family. We had a photo shoot with Jennifer Rodick, www.imagesbyjenphotography.com. I'm so excited to see what we look like these days. :c) I ALSO got to meet my best friend from high school's little boy!!! He was born Friday night! For some reason my photo uploader isn't working in blogger :( Believe me, he's the cutest thing ever.

I've got two gigs this weekend! I'm super excited about both. A living room concert and then I get to play some songs at a storytelling event! Happiness for me because I LOVE hearing stories!

OH AND MY WEBSITE IS LIVE!!!!!! My webmaster, Jason, is working on a music player and some other things so this is just the basics. I want to keep it pretty simple, but let me know if you have any suggestions or things you'd like to see! Thanks so much for reading this! :c)

Homeless? Get outta town!

2010-10-03T21:22:00.004-05:00

Ok so I'm so close to catching up on blogging the living room tour experiences! On Monday, August 9th, I had the privilege of playing a living room concert in Springfield! It was so nice to play for friends. My young friend, Kenzie, played the first song she has learned on the guitar. I assure you she was the star of the evening. :) My friend, Jennifer Rodick, attended and sang harmony on a few little ditties.

As for the rest of my life at that point, I hadn't really thought about the fact that I needed to be moved out of the Potter's House by the end of that week so they could have the basement back for the beginning of the college fall semester. It is not like me to not plan AND worry about that impending homelessness, but I didn't. By Tuesday, I had two unsolicited "come live here" offers. Such blessings. Wednesday and Thursday I moved all of my things into my new "temp" place. Thursday evening my good friend, Catie Neuber, offered to do a photo shoot for me. My last music photos had been taken two years ago. Here's what she had to say: Catie Neuber Photography.

Friday, August 13th, I headed back to Kansas City. I was hosted by Dominic at a beautifully remodeled home in Overland Park! The house was packed and with mostly new faces to me. A new acquaintance I made that night requested this YouTube video. It was a great, intimate setting accompanied by a nice rain outside. :c) UNfortunately, the AC wasn't functioning properly leaving me a hot singing mess. Some in the audience, no doubt disgusted by my visual melt down haha, came to the rescue with an oscillating fan. So nice! Yay for fans! ;) ;) In all seriousness, it was so nice to play for a room of almost all strangers but somehow feel like I'd known them all for much longer.....must've been the sweat :) Even better, the night ended with a lovely PB&J made by the host for me. In true 'lee ellen' form, a spot of jelly ended up on my jeans. AND in the morning, Dominic made an amazing breakfast! It was a great beginning to my week of traveling. More to come on the ending of my living room tour with stops in Ashland, KS, Pine, CO, and Oklahoma City, OK.

Fast forward to the present, I played Artwalk this past Friday. I love playing outside. Thanks to all my lovely friends for stopping by! I think I'll play in some parks this fall just for fun. I'll be traveling to good ol' Oklahoma this weekend for my cousin's wedding. AND Jennifer Rodick will be doing a family photo shoot of MY family! We haven't had professional family photos in years!!! Life is good. Things are changing. Good changes. I'll let you know!

Home sweet Arkansas!

2010-09-15T20:22:00.003-05:00

So I'm at the Potter's House right now. When I first sat down, there was one other couple in the living room. It kiiiiiind of seemed like they were on a date and I maaaaaaay have eavesdropped a tad.... At one point I heard the girl say, "I don't do drama," and "I can't hang out with awkward people..." haha oh dates......I'll go on some more of those some time......so I can say things like that and be the awkward person I "can't hang out with." haha and not know how long to look someone in the eye to say nonverbally what I want to say without saying what I don't want to say.....nonverbally.

Ahhhh just when I thought I would have to put in my earbuds at Poho and be antisocial....."Blackbird" by the Beatles....alright

I got really frustrated yesterday, and shouted and I think I even seethed......That's new for the adult me. I'm pretty sure I did those things in my younger years but somewhere along the way I started being quiet when I was angry.....my close friends jokingly called it "The Quiet Storm" haha only during "Sunny Weather" I'm sure. :c) I'm getting back to the business of expressing even that negative stuff in regular life and not just in song.

Speaking of my younger years, I played some living room concerts in Arkansas (my stomping ground) at the beginning of August. The first one was in Fayetteville. To the left, you can see my stagehand. She was gracious enough to give me her drink when I sang so loudly she thought I was surely parched. :) I was given my own room again for a lovely night's sleep before heading home to stay with Mom and Dad in good ol' Alma. I got to hang out with the parents all day Friday. Saturday was gorgeous until the time for my outdoor performance. It began to pour down rain minutes before I took the stage.....so no go. A friend walked over from his car in the pouring rain. We went to get something hot to drink and dry off inside. Good conversation and quality time was definitely worth the rained out gig. I was sad for the group that set up the whole Block Party. They were ready to go, and everything looked amazing and so fun! That evening I played at a friend's house in Van Buren. We had a full house. Their living room was an open two story space if that makes sense.....=fun for lee ellen to belt it. They also served yummy barbecue. mmm!

Then on Sunday, the weekend was capped off at a friend's house in Alma. She served dessert and iced tea. I played for about two hours without realizing it! It was surprisingly nice to do an afternoon concert. Three words: Homemade Strawberry Shortcake. It's always nice to go home for abit. I went home a few weekends ago again, and visited my Mom while she worked at my old high school. Well......it's loosely my old high school. They added a whole new half and then remodeled the old half so it doesn't look the same at all. But something about going home makes things slow down, makes me go back in time, makes me reflective and reminiscent. I love all of these things. I went to the first football game of the season with my Dad when I was home. It reminded me of the comfort of a small town. When THE thing to do on Friday night is go to the high school football game. I love that too. I also love the atmosphere at football games. I listened for as many "Ref, where are your glasses," type shouts as I could, and laughed myself silly. I enjoyed my time in Arkansas and singing back home. It felt like a big bear hug from brother......and he gives great hugs.

St. Louis.....Twice!

2010-09-13T20:10:00.005-05:00

oh my GOODNESS! So much has happened since my last post, but I can't cheat the great things that happened in between by skipping them! So somehow I ended up with zero pictures from my St. Louis living room stops.... :c( You'll just have to really use your imagination!

So first stop was at Devin's. I usually don't eat much before a performance a) because I'm really nervous b) because nerves and food typically lead to belching which doesn't mix well with singing. Devin's mom made this yummy lasagna though. We all sat down to a nice.....full.....dinner. It was so good and she made brownies too. Shoot! They have some special name......for the brownies...... Anyway, so I HAD to have a brownie too! Man, that bugs me I can't remember what they were called. So after I am sufficiently stuffed, we move on to the concert part of the evening. I got to play in the sun room off the back of the house. Devin jumped in to sing some harmonies on the cover of "Many the Miles" with me. The concert was a success solely on the fact that I never burped in the middle of a song. haha It was a great night, and I had the privilege of visiting with Devin's family. I loved that aspect of the entire living room tour. They even gave me my own room for the night! I ended the night by shattering a glass in the bathroom after everyone had turned in for the night. I like to keep things interesting... ;) just kidding! Again, Devin, sorry for my clumsiness!! It follows me wherever I go. If I don't have a stain on my shirt, something is surely broken somewhere.....

My next show in St. Louis was at Nikki's house. Nikki and I go way back to freshman year at Drury. We ended up traveling together to Greece for a semester abroad. Nikki is Greek so was a HUGE help in the transition to the amazing Greek culture. We had many adventures all over the country. It all started wit h alot of snow falling our first night in Athens so we got hit by some snowballs by excited Greeks and got to see the Acropolis with a beautiful dusting of snow! I can't believe that was seven years ago!! Anywho, so Nikki and I have kept in touch, but not nearly as much especially after graduation. It was so fun to catch up on life and reminisce all of our fun times in Greece! And......I love learning languages so learning Greek in Greece was SO FLIPPING FUN!!! I haven't heard it much since I returned to the states obviously. Nikki invited alot of her family to the concert, and it was so so so wonderful to hear the Greek language all around me again. Oh and Nikki's mom gave me some Greek tea that she brought back from Greece. I fell in love with it when I was over there. It was so great to hang out with Nikki's family and friends. Unfortunately on both trips to St. Louis, I had to hurry back to Springfield so I didn't get to play in the streets for tips. I will definitely be back in St. Louis sometime. Hopefully, a venue will give me a chance!

Ok living room stop updates to come: Fayetteville, Van Buren (2 stops), Kansas City (again!), Ashland, Pine, Oklahoma City, and the EP release in Springfield!

I'm playing at Cider Days in Springfield on Sunday afternoon 4-5pm, September 19th, the Music at the Inn Stage. Thanks for your tremendous support!!! I had a couple of paying gigs this past weekend that brought in more than I made in a couple weeks at my old job. :c) That kind of makes THIS my job! It sure doesn't feel like a job though.....yippee!

"We don't like to call it 'in trouble'........"

2010-07-28T21:31:00.005-05:00

I had the privilege to play a couple of living room tour concerts in Kansas City last week. This pic is from the first of the two. Hosted by Erin and Elizabeth, it was a beautiful setting on a rooftop in downtown KC. It was an enclosed pool room so the acoustics were like singing in a HUGE bathroom! I met some great people and very musically inclined at that. We had a little jam session after the concert......my favorite :c) Devon and Nathan took some pics. The one to the left is one of Devon's.

The next night I played at Sarah Beth and KB's house, my sister and brother-in-law. Dharmesh took some pics there. I can't wait to see them! I look forward to experiencing how different each living room stop is, but this one happened to be exactly how I imagined they would be. I sat in the corner on a red chair, and everyone sat in a U-shape around me on various chairs and furniture. The living room was the perfect size for the 10 people present, and the concert felt like one long conversation.....alittle one-sided I suppose ;) but so comfortable and intimate.

I played out in the Plaza abit on Friday. These two security guys parked their SUVs in the middle of the road and sauntered over to me. When I asked, "Am I in trouble?" One said, "We don't like to call it 'in trouble,' we like to say you were misinformed." haha good times! very different all around from my experience in the French Quarter.... :c)

For all the selling of EP's I keep mentioning, I am actually talking about pre-orders. I have a sign up sheet at each stop for those interested to pre-order. No EP's have been distributed just yet. I will shout it from the rooftops, and probably have one of those 'laughed til I cried' moments when the release please Lord, sometime in my lifetime actually occurs.

This has been SUCH a learning experience for me. Thank you for enduring my ignorance in so many areas.........

Dude, you guys! 100 people have subscribed to my youtube channel!!!!! What?????? Check it! and subscribe if you haven't yet!

Thank you everyone!!!

N'awlins and a Concert

2010-07-20T15:00:00.004-05:00

Helloooooooo!!! So the latest setback on the EP release is that I used a few stanzas of an old hymn in the bridge section of one of my tracks. Silly Lell here didn't do the proper homework thinking the hymn was old enough to be public domain. After doing the proper research, I discovered that the copyright was renewed in 1983, obviously retaining it's legal demand for royalties in this grand old year of 2010. Bottom line: I removed the hymn from the track and reworked some things in the studio to avoid any sort of copyright infringement. I was leaving for New Orleans when I found out all of this madness so I didn't make it into the studio until last Tuesday. The guy who has mastered the EP was out of town until yesterday. Therefore, I'm hoping to get "the call" that the mastered copy is ready....any......minute.....

So New Orleans.......awesomeness! I saw a long-time friend, met some great people, met some odd people, and met some creepy people. :c) This pic is from the first day I played out in the French Quarter. I played three separate times, in five varying spots, and for a total of about 6 hours. I had never really played on the streets for tips before, and wasn't sure what to expect. During those six hours, my faithful friend, Jennifer, filled out postcards with my social media links and passed them out to lingering listeners. I expected to get some smiles and a dollar here and there. I ALSO expected to see more street performers out there. Maybe it was too hot.....because it was HOT! The main surprises were how many individual conversations I had with people, a one hundred dollar bill tip, AND a police officer threatening to take me to jail. Before I played in the Quarter, one of Jennifer's friends warned me that I might need a permit to play on the street. We decided to take the chance. It was alittle after 8pm on Thursday night and a police officer pulled up where I was playing. I was right in front of a cathedral that gets alot of tourist traffic. One of my odd new friends rode by me on his bicycle whispering, "Stop playing. You aren't allowed to play in the Quarter after 8pm. They'll take your instrument and everything." I stopped mid song.........my friend ran over to the police officer and waved to me saying it was okay to continue playing. I yelled, "Are you sure?" Suddenly, the officer turns on his speaker inside his patrol car to say, "If you don't play another song, I'm taking you to jail right now." He went on to say that he was having a bad night and just came over to listen. :c) Whew! I got a picture with him before I left....tried to get him to handcuff me but he wouldn't.
I played a gig at Neutral Grounds Coffee. Great space! According to a patron, it's been around for 40 years.

I met Bronson in the Quarter, owner of the Red Lantern. He heard me singing from across a high car traffic street and a few doors down. His compliments and encouragement made my day. When I walked by his store, he had taped my postcard up on the door. :c) The last person I met was David. He immediately said, "You know where that gift comes from don't you?" He pointed up and said, "And He's crazy about you." David told me his story, which involved growing up as a pastor's kid and pretty much saying F you (his words) to the church as a young adult. He came to know the Lord in prison. I don't know what he was in jail for and it really doesn't matter. We quoted scripture back and forth abit and marveled at the love and persistence God has with and for us. His breath smelled of alcohol, but his words were Truth. His eyes shine when he talks about God. When I tried to thank him, he kept saying, "Don't thank me. Don't thank me." I love listening to anyone talk about something they are passionately pursuing, but this was especially nice because it's something we both happen to be pursuing. What a gift to me on my last night in New Orleans. :c)

In other news, I received free tickets to see Patty Griffin in concert last week. I love her.......she's my favorite. I've NEVER seen her play live. When I picked up the tickets from Janet, who I'm so lucky thought of me when she couldn't use the tickets and wanted to give them to someone, she mentioned, "Oh and you know Patty's playing with Robert Plant in this concert." I didn't think too much of it because I could not IMAGINE someone asking Patty to play in their concert without giving her an entire solo set. She has such a faithful following. Well my assumptions were incorrect. Patty led vocally on ONE song......ONE song. Don't get me wrong, I love Patty Griffin's music so much that it made the 4 hour drive worth it to hear her amazing voice live even for only a few minutes. I just can't imagine that her fans will be satisfied with this lack of presence. She sings background vocals on Robert Plant's songs.........her voice is far too unique and wonderful to properly fit with Robert Plant's lead vocals. I know that Robert Plant has his props for being the lead singer of Led Zeppelin, but he is trying to sing in Patty's genre of music. Robert should be opening for Patty in this situation. Buddy Miller led vocally on one song. Buddy and Patty's voices fit together so much better than Patty and Robert's. I enjoyed the concert alright, but I felt like a parent who's kid had one line in a 3 hour play or something. And I think in this scenario, Patty has alot of disgruntled, proud parents. Yeah? Anyway, I'm very thankful for the tickets, but look forward to seeing a Patty concert where she receives her appropriate time and spotlight. :c)

I'm off to Kansas City tomorrow. Check facebook for events. I will have signups for EP preorders due to the unfortunate setbacks. EP's will sell for $5 each at any Living Room Tour stop and $6 at any other show and online. If you get an invite to a Living Room Tour stop, come and save some money on your EP purchase!!!! See you soon!!!

Coming to a living room near you!

2010-07-03T14:20:00.005-05:00

So I got some new glasses...... --->
And that's really all that's new lately......HA! not really :c)

In my last post I told you, I found myself homeless and jobless in a matter of days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who whole-heartedly offered to take me in. :c) As always, God provides. I am happy to tell you I have a roof over my head and finances have been coming in in the most interesting ways. This pursuing music thing is face-to-the-ground humbling. So many people to hug for awkward lengths of time to try and show my appreciation. :)

people who have stepped up to offer their support:
-anyone who comments or sends me messages ever!
-a graphic designer-designing EP artwork-puts up with my detailed opinion and struggle to articulate what I want to see!
-aNOTHER graphic designer-designing t-shirts and buttons-puts up with me not knowing what I want, but knowing what I don't like......
-an engineer-designing my official website-puts up with my complete lack of knowledge in this area.
-anyone who offered monetary help toward my recording studio time- NUF SAID!
-a free place to stay this summer when I'm home.
-a friend-offered to help fund the duplication of the EP- Out of nowhere!
-a friend-went to the glasses store with me to pick out these glasses after I had been 80 times and left with nothing. :)
-anyone who has offered to open up your home to me and invite friends to please maybe hopefully like my music.
All of these things and many others do not go unnoticed by me. THANK YOU! *long, awkward hug from me* haha

So I've been thinking of this Living Room Tour since January. I didn't know how I could do it with my full time job. With that obstacle out of the way and little exposure at this point, I hope I get to meet friends of friends who I wouldn't otherwise meet by playing in living rooms across the nation. I sent out emails to people I thought might be interested. I can't remember how many I sent out, but I've received about 40 positive responses! Again, I'm overwhelmed by your support. The plan at this point is to do as many as I can through the end of August. As soon as the final "tour" is set, I'll post a schedule of what cities I will be in and when.

I'm scared to tell you the date I would like to have the EP release just yet because I've had so many things thrown off for various reasons. As soon as I can say it with confidence, I will.

My friend in New Orleans is moving mid July so I am going down there this week to play a living room concert AND a gig in New Orleans before my actual EP release! I'll be playing an hour set at Neutral Grounds on Thursday, July 8th, at 10pm!

Just to give you an idea, I have dates confirmed for the tour in Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, North Carolina, Louisiana, Arkansas so far......and that's just a couple days after sending the date possibilities!

Thanks for putting up with my shenanigans! Happy 4th of July!!!!!

I've been missing her for months.....

2010-06-20T01:35:00.002-05:00

So it's 1:45am I was lying in bed, lights out, ready for sleep. My eyes are wide open. This is the first night in my 27 years to go to sleep without my grandmother alive somewhere in the world. She's been leaving for awhile. My Dad called last night to say that she would probably pass in her sleep. It was difficult to fall asleep. It seemed like falling asleep was equivalent to letting her go. Whew! I promise this whole post won't be sad.

I'm afraid I'll get some of the facts wrong, but hopefully the overall message will be heard. My grandmother was born in 1922, Frances Elizabeth Bland. She married James Smith Starks and had four children. My father, John Bland Starks, is one of them. Gamma, as my siblings and I call her, started college at the age of 16. She graduated and became a math teacher. Oh, I wish I could remember how old she was when she retired from teaching. Let's just say she had a long career. After retiring, she tutored students in math into her 70's I believe. We looked at some of her calendars, and she kept herself SO busy. Whether it was Bridge Club, delivering Meals on Wheels, working at the hospital gift shop, or cooking for church functions, she was the epitomy of "involved." My sister found something she wrote about herself at the age of 84, and she recorded that she was still walking two miles every day.

Thanks to Gamma, I am a vicious card player and can count up the points in my hand like a pro. :c) I loved listening to her count up her hand. It went something like "5 is 22 is 37 is 78 is...I have 138," and it was always right. She talked to her sister, Maggie Lou, every day til she passed a few years ago. She loved the color blue and would often say, "Well, idn't that purdy." I love the way she said pretty (purdy). She touched many lives through teaching and tutoring alone, but our family is all positively affected by her. She's been the matriarch of our family since I've been in the world. I don't remember a Christmas morning ever not at her house in Arkansas. I've been fortunate to be in a family that places an importance on tradition and gathering together: Christmas at Gamma's, Easter at Aunt Martha's and Uncle John's, Labor Day in Hot Springs, Thanksgiving at Uncle Rick's and Aunt Sara's

I love knowing my extended family so well. I love family trees. I find when I'm stressed out I go through our family tree in my head. Is that strange? Maybe so....but I love it. I'm fighting myself to keep from writing one up right now and scanning it in as an attachment to this post.

Frances Elizabeth Starks will be missed, but she's so happy right now. Of that, I am very certain. I can still see the way her face looked when she laughed. I should draw that face so I always remember it.

I've lost a few other things in the past few weeks. I moved out of my house and no longer have my full-time job. I am attempting to make the mental transition from music as a hobby to music as a career. I WILL make the transition a reality thanks to the help of so many talented friends and supportive fans. So many of you have offered your skills toward this endeavor. So many of you have said, "Go for it." Elly Swope of Focus!Focus! recently told me, "I can't not do this," in regards to pursuing music. I agree. I'm going for it. Thanks for coming with me.

Sorry the last couple of posts have been heavy. I am extremely excited about life these days, but with that comes some healthy fear and due to recent events some mourning as well. Updates on the EP soon :)

This really isn't a "good" time for me......

2010-05-25T19:42:00.005-05:00

Whew guys! It's been awhile as usual. It always seems to be around a month between each post. Life has been so.........different the last few months than the few years before it. I don't know where to start. Well, for one I haven't included much about my faith in this blog up to this point. Get ready because this post is all about my heart, and God is all around and in my heart. I'll try to revise what I'd like to share because I'm afraid I have the gift or curse of long-winded...ness. I love details so I expect others to want to hear them all as well. haha So I'm keeping that in mind just for you. :c)

At the beginning of April, my parents updated all of us (the sibs) on my grandmother's health. She has been "slowing down" slowly for the past few years or so. She just turned 88 in April and has been sharp sharp sharp her whole life. She taught me almost every cards and dominoes games I know currently. And she's quite the competitor so I've also learned from HOW she plays. It makes for pretty rowdy family gatherings. :c) Ok bunny trail of details I know..... So in April we found out that in removing some fluid from her lungs, cancer was found. She has continued "slowing down" but quickly over the last few months. She still recognizes us, but isn't really there much of the time anymore. My Dad's whole side of the family has been focused on her. A few weeks later, I received the call that my Aunt Frances had been taken to the hospital and wasn't expected to live. I'm still not exactly sure what happened in her brain (a brain aneurysm maybe?), but she didn't make it. I've always called her Aunt Frances, but she's actually my Dad's cousin (grandmother's sister's daughter). Uncontrollable tears flooded out for the remainder of that day. So now, I've been confronted with the horror of saying goodbye quickly or not really at all versus the intense pain and confusion of saying goodbye slowly or not really at all. As we covered in the last post, I avoid saying a proper goodbye in most cases. When I know it's coming though, I tend to filter or dampen my emotions to the point that I wonder how much I really do care for the person. When it's a complete surprise, everything comes out in an exhaustive, real expression, which hurts but reminds me how much I really do care for people. meh so we have that intensity going on in the family realm.

I've also been completely unsettled with where I am right now, but I'm still here and have no specific opportunities or direction to go elsewhere. I'm not just speaking in a geographical sense either. I love going to new places so I have to be constantly aware of that desire in order to really make sense of how to best glorify God with my journey because that's ultimately what brings me the most joy and all I want to do. The only direction that has been consistent since January is to finish this EP.

On that note *wink wink*, I never anticipated how difficult it would be to complete this EP AND how difficult it would be to call it finished? I've tried to be really positive about it in status updates and tweets, and it is positive, and I'm SO excited somewhere in here. :c) I think it has turned out really well, but the truth is that it's alot of my heart over the past few years. I mean why do it if it's not real, right? I've just really been confronted with how much of a process artists go through as they release albums. I've noticed it in other artists' music, but am extremely aware of it now. This is just the beginning. I have to let go of the fear that it will be misunderstood or even disliked because it will, but it doesn't change anything about where it came from in me. It makes me think of a lyric by Ani DiFranco, "I build each one of my songs out of glass so you could see me inside of them I suppose, Or you could just leave the image of me in the background I guess, And watch your own reflection superimpose."

Anyway, the most recent change happened today! I've been getting kind of freaked out by my neighbor. She rings my doorbell really late at night with strange things to say, and has "met" me three or four times. That would be okay if I just thought she was a lonely lady that needed to talk, but she has "shady" male characters hanging around her front porch at all hours of the evening. Sorry to use so many quoted words. I'm sure that gets annoying. All that to say, I've been wanting to put in a thirty day notice, but with all this "where am i supposed to be" uncertainty I have yet to do so. A few months ago I had discussed with my landlord possibly moving out at the end of May. He apparently remembered that conversation and called me today to confirm if I was moving out May 31st. I'm moving out May 31st. (See that, I revised out some details there ;) Let's count that up folks, yes, moving out in 6 days and probably to a studio so need to sell some things. Life is crazy. I'm confident this was the right decision. I kind of like craziness.

Ugh! I had great intentions to write about my Aunt's funeral in this blog, which would have been insanely more about God and my heart, but this is already so long! Maybe I'll break my cycle and post again before next month. I'm going to a friend's house to listen to the latest mix on her really nice stereo before I give them the okay to send the EP off for mastering. Every comment here, on youtube, post on my wall, text message of encouragement, view of my videos, subscription to my videos, is deeply felt by this extremely sensitive and sentimental girl. Thank you for believing in me and being SO PATIENT!!!! :c)

The Story of Tolmi.....

2010-04-09T23:26:00.023-05:00

I adopted Tolmi exactly three years ago as of Sunday, April 11th. This is the earliest picture I have of him. I was living in Memphis and for a few months visited Petco every Saturday I could to look at the dogs up for adoption from Guardian Angel Pet Rescue. I spent a few months deciding if I wanted that added responsibility of taking care of a pet. I have always had pets growing up. I can't remember a time when we didn't own at least one pet whether indoor or outdoor. My whole family has always been animal-lovers. My Dad used to take my sister, brother, and I to the Humane Society in Nebraska every Saturday when we were little. For some reason that humane society had horses as well as other animals. I remember we used to feed the horses sugar cubes!! I don't really understand why that was a good idea.....haha Anyway, my sister currently has two dogs, my brother has 4 dogs, 3 cats, a gerbil and a guinea pig, and my parents have two dogs, a cat, and take care of two horses on our land for a friend.

I remember seeing Tolmi at Petco that fated Saturday. haha I held him in my lap, and realized I was afraid to put him down because I didn't want anyone else to snatch him up. I talked to the couple fostering him, and they let me take him for an overnight just to make sure it was a good fit. We went to the park the next day and I snapped this picture of us. The couple fostering him called him "Lonnie," because he wandered up onto their "lawn" one day. When they saw him from far off, they thought he was a cat. When he got closer, they realized he was just really emaciated and flea and tick-filled. The shelter guessed he was maybe 10 weeks old only to find out from the vet he was actually 4 months old but extremely malnourished. My sister and brother-in-law sent me an early birthday present to pay his adoption fee. In the check memo, my sister wrote "For Lonnie from the Lawn."

I decided to name him Tolmi. In modern Greek, that means "boldness," or at least I hope it does...haha

A few weeks after adopting Tolmi, I got a job offer in Springfield. My parents were nice enough to keep Tolmi while I transitioned into my new place and job. This pic was from when Mom and I met up to make the hand off. He grew so much in one month. I could hold him under my arm with one hand when I first got him. Tolmi is a mix but most vets have called him a Catahoula/Pit Mix. Apparently, Catahoulas are bred in Louisiana to run down wild pigs.....and Pits, well you know how stout they typically are. So he's a strong guy!!! Here's rough and tough, protector Tolmi (left).

It's funny because I had a boxer before I had Tolmi, and they are so different! My boxer wanted to literally be in my lap every time I sat down on the couch. Tolmi is much more independent. He always wants to know where I am in the house so he'll run into whatever room I'm in, look at me, and then go to sleep in his bed in the livingroom or look out the window.

He LOVES to ride in the car, which has been so nice since I have had to travel with him so often. All I have to do is say, "You wanna go with me?" and he starts doing the kidney dance and runs to the front door. I have tested out other questions, and he does not respond the same..... If I say, "Hungry?" he perks his ears up like in the above picture and cocks his head to the side. On long trips, I pray aloud alot in my car. It's great thinking and reflection time. Although Tolmi isn't overly attentive, it's kind of insane how he notices when I'm sad. On several occasions if I happen to start crying in the car, he will move over closer to me, put his paw on my lap, and stare up at me. One time I remember him licking a tear off my face.......NOT EVEN KIDDING!!

I always think of what type of person he would be if he was a human, and I think he'd be a "cool kid," which to me is a popular kid in high school ya know. This is funny because I am the quirky, band nerd in high school kind of person so we're a funny pair, and he cops his "I am SO much cooler than you," attitude sometimes. haha He is very, very social and loves people AND dogs! I'm so happy he isn't aggressive with other dogs. Here he is with my parents' little Cairn Terrier, Skye. He could drag him around like a mop, but they're good friends.
Tolmi and I have been through alot in 3 years. Tolmi's independence gets the best of him in his habit of getting out of fences and running way. One time in particular, a friend was visiting and she opened the front door to put my guitar on the front porch. Tolmi ran out the front door, and I was so conflicted with letting her know I wasn't upset with her and being terrified that Tolmi would get hit by a car. Every time he runs away, I find that as I frantically shout his name and run after him I am simultaneously trying to prepare myself for losing him. As I run toward him, I am running away from him in my mind. I do this with people as well. If I know you are leaving soon, I will put unnecessary distance between us because I dislike "goodbyes" so much. I even avoid saying goodbye in big groups at social events. It's pretty ridiculous. I will stand at the door and just say my salutation into the room not directed at a specific person and then slip out. haha I'm trying to learn how to NOT anticipate the end of things in general. This is a perfect situation for the phrase "work in progress."

So cheers to me and Tolms!! Through the years, he has acquired several terms of endearment. (Tolmi, Tolms, Tolmzers, Tolmster, Tolm, Buddy, Boobers, Boobert, Boober, BuddyBear, Sweeta, SweetaBear, SweetaWeeda, Weedo (combo of Sweeta and Weirdo), SweetBear, Sweet) I never thought I would do the silly names thing, but all these names just come out of my mouth!! Tolmi has helped me learn alot about responsibility, patience, and love. He's snoring in his chair as I write this. :c) Adopt a dog from a shelter if you like dogs and can afford it. Tolmi has been a huge blessing to me!

I'm not really big on the "pics of dogs with their owners" thing, but my friend, Jennifer Rodick took this of us one day when she was doing a full photo shoot for me. I'm happy I have it because we are buddies, and it's good to have pictures with your buddies. ;)
Check out Jen's blog of her amazing pics. http://imagesbyjen.blogspot.com/

I'm playing at the Bridging the Gap Event on Saturday 4/24 at 4:30pm. The event will be going on until 11pm, and proceeds go to the Potter's House. It will be held at the Bear Paw on the MSU campus. On May 1st and 2nd, I'm playing at the ArtsFest on Walnut Street. Saturday, I play from 1:30-2:30 and Sunday 4:00-5:00 at the Coffeehouse Stage. Come support the Arts!!

Headphones and Clouds

2010-04-01T22:57:00.003-05:00

I often have this paranoia that my headphone plug will come partially unplugged from my iPhone and I will be left jamming out with my headphones in while my playlist is playing out for all to hear. Listening to music with headphones is a tiny escape. Because I'm plugging my ears from hearing the outside world, it creates the sensation that I'm not really there.

When I was younger, I used a similar thought process at night when trying to go to sleep. If I got scared, I would close my eyes and lay as still as possible. I convinced myself that if I couldn't see the monsters or bad guys that they couldn't see me either. I was safe because I wasn't seeing....

I'm kind of living in a cloud at the moment. I recently went to Malaysia, which requires a whole separate post but I flew through Beijing. There is so much pollution there that you can't even see the planes depart from inside the airport. I bet if you walk around in that pollution you can't see but a few feet in front of you at a time. The people we could see outside were all wearing masks over their noses and mouths. If I stay in this cloud, I have the excuse of being "undecided" or "unsure" or whatever other procrastination method I might use. If I take a step in any direction, everyone sees me step out of the cloud AND I can see the consequences of my choice. I kind of feel like I'm experiencing some sort of vertigo or "lost in the forest" kind of thing.

"she crawls out on a limb
and begins to build a home
and it's enough just to look around
and know she's not alone" from "up up up up up up" by Ani DiFranco

So you can find me in a cloud somewhere jamming out to some embarrassing pop song playing at max volume out loud with my headphones securely plugged in. I might even have my eyes closed thinking you can't see me...

I'm makin' a move soon.....I'll get out of this cloud yet!

Hopefully playing at ArtsFest! Stay tuned!!

Going home.....

2010-03-05T09:37:00.003-06:00

So I finally posted the video requested by Dominic. It's a tough song!

My parents surprised me AGAIN at my gig last weekend. So supportive and sweet! I mentioned when they were here that I need to come home and get my taxes done soon.....
Dad calls me on Monday to say, "You're booked to play a gig at Sweetbay Coffee on Friday night." Sweetbay Coffee is in my hometown. haha So I'm traveling home to Arkansas this weekend. Somehow, I have yet to play a gig in my hometown so ya know....it's time. :c) I'm from a pretty small town. Dad convinced the owner to keep the coffee shop open from 8:30-10:30 because I couldn't make it into town until then....haha yep working LATE on a Friday night ;) ;)

It's funny because the only singing Van Buren probably knows me for is singing with the high school jazz band and singing the national anthem at football and basketball games my senior year. Oh and winning the Crawford County Talent Contest (in 2000 I think) haha but no one probably even knows that!

I didn't even pick up a guitar until 2002, I guess, so I've played and sang for my church family sometimes when I'm home but that's it. Van Buren will experience an updated version of Little Miss Lee Ellen tonight. haha I'm looking forward to being home this weekend. :c) Yay home sweet home!

I Feel Change Coming......

2010-02-22T19:05:00.003-06:00

I love mixed cd's. I love getting to know someone better through listening to the music they prefer. I don't like to receive a complete copied album of an artist. :( It makes me sad. I have received them from people when I am given them without notice. If you ask me if I want you to make a copy of an album for you, I will say, "No." haha For some reason in my little twisted brain, I am ok with receiving a mix of songs because I think, "Well if I like a specific song, I would still buy the artist's album." haha I know I know......
Anyway, a friend gave me this song by Lisa Gungor, "Change." I love lyrics. It's probably the first thing I listen to when I hear a new song. Lyrics are only slightly trumped by good harmonies. I blank out on lyrics when I hear solid harmonies. An excerpt from this song:

"I feel change coming.
All my surroundings are telling me something.
One season's ending, but another's beginning.
Somehow it's similar to how You're changing me.
Slowly, I'm feeling change.
I feel change coming."

Spring is certainly coming, but something is changing in my life too. Alot of things are truly "up-in-the-air" right now. I have a few opportunities I'm considering, but I can't help but wonder if maybe I just have some form of "cabin fever." I don't want to mistake a "Ready to Run" moment for a "Dare you to Move" opportunity though. I'll let you know.....

I'm scheduling more time with VanSmith Studio, and need to write some thank you notes and send out some more postcards!! I haven't forgotten about those recent postcard requests!!

So I'm playing at Heroes Coffee again this Friday, February 26th at 8pm. Again I am blessed to have the magnificent guitar stylings of Matt Harp to accompany me, and doubly blessed to have Matt Stufflebeam show us some mad skills on percussion as well! I might have TWO background vocalists for harmonies too! And you know how I love harmonies.... :c) Come if you can! Heroes knows how to make a good latte......and i'm kind of a coffee snob......

and a video for you requested by my friend, Dominic.....to be uploaded later this evening because the built-in mic at the potter's house sounds like I'm in a wind tunnel. See you Friday night??
My YouTube channel is just leeellenstarks for any new readers! :c)

A macaroni necklace from me to you.....

2010-02-08T23:01:00.003-06:00

Ok so I have been wanting to blog for awhile but sometimes my hours just don't add up. Anyway, SO this post is all about feeling like a kid as an adult. I feel like I've been humbled in several ways over the past month. Sometimes it felt like bowing my head out of honor and respect for being so blessed and other times it felt like taking a face plant into horse manure (an experience I have had in real time haha).
In the past month, I have had a few gigs that have surprised me with packed rooms and captive audiences and some that have surprised me with a profound lack of interest.
I've had two very different, but both great, experiences in studios. The recording I have continued at VanSmith Studio locally has been great because I am able to bring close friends, record exactly what I have written in its original form, and there's a comfort there that my creation is loved just the way it is, which is humbling in its own right. Support out the wazoo AND the acceptance of something I can't seem to call finished on my own but still offer in its unfinished state. Recording at Red Tree Recording Studio in Houston was humbling in a completely different way. I flew to Houston all by myself. I went into the studio to record something that came from somewhere in me (ridiculously cheesy I know) with an extremely talented guy I met once and communicated a few times with via our friend, the internet, and three other extremely talented musicians I had never met before that day. For those of you that may be past this intro phase with me, I am quite quiet a) with new ridiculously talented people such as everyone I know and b) in groups of such people. So there I was, confronting intense feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and oh yes....good 'ol shyness, all the while trying to be present and involved in this new-to-me process of recording a spec recording. I felt like a toddler in comparison to their experience and expertise, but they were amazing at helping me feel comfortable in that situation. This great experience was different from VanSmith because I had other people speaking into what I had begun, trying to help me complete what I can't seem to finish by offering their unique talents. I look forward to sharing "A House to Clean" with you guys, but I can't yet. I've been communicating with Jeffery, owner of Red Tree, and tweaking the mix. What a great guy! Remember, he's working with a toddler here, in terms of studio experience. Humbling humbling humbling!

And my most recent humbling experience was definitely childlike and definitely a face plant of sorts. It reminded me of the movie Overboard with Goldie Hawn and how the youngest son makes her a macaroni necklace. I'm sure he felt really good about making it for her and hoped she'd like it and wear it. Well, my experience gives an intensified meaning to "Pride comes before the fall." I'm embarrassed to write about it because it WAS terribly embarrassing but also because I don't want anyone to write pity comments about it. So why am I going to share it you might ask? I'm afraid if I don't share it I might stop making "macaroni necklaces" for people. :(

Ok, so here it goes......I love noses. haha how weird can this story get from that intro? No, I love noses. I think they are unique and quite intriguing. This has led to an interest in faces and family resemblances. Then, I went to Greece for a semester in an architecture program (sidenote: I was not an art or architecture major....yeah try and figure that one out!) and we had to draw EVERYTHING. We would literally go to a city and our teacher would say, "Okay, you have two hours to draw." In our program, I slowly but surely realized that in all our lecture classes that semester, all the architecture students were drawing other classmates during lectures. I quickly picked up this habit, and realized that I vividly remember all the places I drew in Greece as well as all the faces I drew. All of that said to bring us to the present and tell you that if I like you, I want to draw your face.......I want to know it that well. Does that make sense?
So, I recently drew a "lee ellen original" haha of a friend's face and included it in a project I created for her. I have rarely given people pictures I've drawn. I do realize it is not a um natural gift I have.....but my friend opened the gift in front of other people and when it got to my drawing a girl said, "whoah" and they all laughed at it. (GRAND PAUSE for effect)
I felt like the little girl in the picture up there, but didn't have the lack of age to hide behind in this situation. My macaroni necklace was mocked and then they didn't know what to do because it was their gut reaction and my gut reaction was fifteen shades of embarrassment! oh you guys.....oh you guys.........I had high hopes for the reception of that gift, and face planted into some manure because I am not a sketch artist. My friends weren't wrong for responding the way they did. What I drew is beautiful to me because it's my best attempt at "knowing" a friend's face as picasso-esque as it may be. I know that friend's face now though.....and I do love her nose. :c) All of this embarrassment to say, I won't stop drawing your faces. You may never see them.......well maybe.....if I think you can take it.......would you wear a macaroni necklace with an evening gown? I hope so.

Getting Back to the Definition of Romantic

2010-01-18T21:08:00.006-06:00

So I think I've told you guys before that I'm a "hopeless romantic".......well I've always known I am in my thought life anyway. I usually think of more than one way that I could be surprised or "romanced," I guess, in just about every situation in life.

Seriously, I recall while living in Memphis and working in a clothing store in the mall, I would often find myself refolding the entire jean wall, yes wall, and daydreaming that I would look to the entrance of the store and see a certain guy, living more than one state away from me at the time, standing at the entrance with flowers and a smile.

Or that I'd go to see the Swell Season in concert, and out of nowhere Glen Hansard would say, "Now, we'd like to pick someone to come up and sing this one with us. You there.......in the 157th row yes you.....who looks just like everyone else. Come sing with us." And then of course I would fall in love with an Irish guy in his tour crew, and that would be that......in my romantic mind. :c) I know! I'm still just a little girl wearing plastic, dress-up heels, and my mom's makeup in dreamy, swoony, stomach fluttery ways.

So lately I've noticed that I'm single....I've noticed :c) But I've felt so swoony and seen romance in new and different situations so I felt compelled to look up the definition of romantic.

Romantic-1. fanciful; impractical; unrealistic
2. imbued with or dominated by idealism, a desire for adventure, chivalry, etc.
3. characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved.
4. displaying or expressing love or strong affection.
5. of, relating to, or constituting the part of the hero especially in a light comedy <--haha the "hero" true though!

So romance without the falling in love part? yeeeessssss Here are a few "romantic" things I have noticed recently:

My parents surprised me by driving 3 hours to see my gig Friday night, and then drove 3 hours back home after I finished. They got home at 2am and my Dad had to help with a breakfast at 7:30am!! So this one falls under definitions 1 and 3. Impractical and unrealistic, expressing love and strong affection. Definitely romantic, but we wouldn't typically call it that because it's not a "significant other" I'm talking about.

When in Dallas for a wedding a few months ago, I decided on my drive to Dallas that I would drive six additional hours roundtrip on to Houston to see a friend and visit a recording studio. This one falls under definitions 1 and 2. I felt impractical, but also adventurous and spontaneous! I was DOING something romantic, but it wasn't necessarily FOR anyone.

And just today, I had a realization that I am rejecting some possible romantic moments in my life. Again, try to refrain from only thinking of romantic in terms of "boy meets girl." I borrowed some equipment from a male friend recently and returned it today. The equipment is rather heavy. Keep in mind I have A) been living on my own for the past two years and B) am single. I have gotten used to "pulling my own weight" if you will. I felt like since I borrowed the equipment, I should return it......all by myself. When I asked where I should put the equipment, he said he would take care of it. When I responded with a, "no no I'll get it..." kind of comment, he said, "Lee Ellen, I'm not trying to challenge you. I know you are big and strong." Instantly, memories of me telling him how I had chucked my 50 lb. dog over a fence came rushing back. I was caught though. I would like to believe that I just wanted to selflessly and responsibly return the equipment, but I wanted to put on my Miss Independent hat while I did it. By doing so, I would've missed Definition 2: chivalry

Sidenote: I think many of us young women have lost the respect we should have for the men in our lives. Some of that respect can be bestowed in simply letting men be chivalrous! Don't give up on me guys! I'm working on it. I'm working especially hard for one of you out there......but I'm not sure who yet.... :c)

Look for the romance in your life! Even when you aren't having a "boy meets girl" time, things are romantic.....they are!!!

This is a pic of me at VanSmith Studio on Saturday!! Thanks to Jennifer Rodick! http://imagesbyjen.blogspot.com

Tomorrow: driving to Maryville to play at Northwest Missouri State University
Thursday: flying to Houston to work with Red Tree Music Group all weekend

Martin Luther King, Jr., he was a romantic guy certainly in more ways than one. G'night!

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010!

2010-01-13T23:25:00.002-06:00

Well Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! I've had on my to do list to update this and put up a new video for a while now. I probably won't get a new video done for a few weeks because......ALOT OF EXCITING STUFF IS HAPPENING! But before that, this picture is of my sister, Sarah Beth, and I singing some Christmas songs for the family at my grandmother's house on Christmas morning. Apparently we were singing an "o" sound of some sort at this specific moment. :c) I love singing with my sister. There is a deep familiarity and comfort there that just makes it click every time. I'm going to make this a quick post so I can continue getting ready for my crazy next few weeks. Here's the plan:

January 15th- gig at Heroes Coffee 8-10:30pm featuring Matt Harp on guitar

January 16th- recording all day with David Smith at VanSmith Studio woohoo!

January 19th- driving up to Maryville, MO to play a gig at Northwest Missouri State University from 6:30-8pm

January 21st- flying to Houston

January 22nd- preproduction in the studio and Songwriter's Night in Houston at 7:30pm

January 23rd- recording all day with Red Tree Music Group

January 24th- visit Katie's church and fly back home

WHEW! I feel so blessed! Thank you for your endless support. I will hopefully have a little 5 song EP to distribute when I finish at VanSmith Studio! Yay for a busy and fun January! Now, back to practicing for the gig Friday night. See ya there!

Fences

2009-12-13T19:01:00.003-06:00

So lately I've been dealing with all kinds of fences. With all these fences, I've noticed that they serve two purposes; they keep some things out, and they keep some things in. It's figuring out which things belong where that gets confusing sometimes.

How do we go about knowing what should be in and what should be out? Fences are protective and intimate. It's important to guard what's yours, but also to let some in that want to care about you. By doing so, we in some ways guard those we love with the fences that guard ourselves. So who's in and who's out? I have a list in my head of who is roaming around in my yard, some who occasionally come to the fence to get the general idea of my yard, and some who are completely kept from the fence line. Oh and there's no one in my house. I'm pretty sure there's only one person that would ever be in my house.

I love when there are people in my life that just naturally land in the right place in the yard analogy. Even with the people kept out, there is a certain peace and comfort when the distance or closeness is mutually decided. It's those that want in without an invitation and those that don't want in but are invited that disrupt our calm. Though these are the most difficult, it makes me walk my fence lines and more boldly know myself. With these necessary journeys, I can re-enter my home with a better sense of my fingers and toes, my property lines, my relationships, my fences....

About 20 more postcards to write! I'm calling the recording studio this week to schedule my recording time!!! I know I know....It's about dang time!!

to be fearless?

2009-11-16T22:56:00.002-06:00

So I've been looking into adding "fearless" to the list of adjectives that describe me.... I've been consciously thinking about this for the past few weeks. It is quite a tall order! It seems like every time I turn around I'm responding in fear, and everywhere I look so many people are being courageous! I recently watched a very good friend cross the finish line after running a marathon. My friend is NOT a runner so this was a "fearless" act for her. An amazing woman I know agrees to watch all four of her grandchildren (3 young boys and a baby girl) all day long and then works til after midnight.....FEARLESS...and selfless. A couple of friends trust their hearts and marry after less than a year of dating......fearless. It takes a solid, conscious effort for me to live fearlessly and even then I often choose the careful, calculated route. There are so many things I want to even consider in my life, but it requires me to take risks. I get so logical and practical in my thinking sometimes that I no longer see some of these risks as options. So that's what I'm up to.......trying to find those risk options that I've been hiding.....from myself.

I'm playing at Amycakes Bakery for the December First Friday Artwalk!! Such a cute place downtown and Amy makes delicious cupcakes!

Lately, I've found the song "Many the Miles" by Sara Bereilles. I think it goes with my fearless theme quite well. :c) Have a lovely week! I'll be practicing fearlessness like a maniac!! maybe I'll get a cape......or a sword or something. ;)

A different kind of loneliness?

2009-10-22T00:20:00.010-05:00

"The further I go
More letters from home never arrive
And I'm alone
All of the way
All of the way
Alone and alive"

This excerpt is from "The Rowing Song" by Patty Griffin. I love her lyrics in general, but different songs and phrases hit me at different times. Lately, this has been the right hook or upper cut or something like that. From this excerpt alone, you may see these as depressing lyrics, but no no... I just took a very long road trip (almost 30 hours of driving in a 96 hour period) by myself recently. I love to think about things....alot so this gave me extra time to do just that. I realized something that has been rolling around in my head unacknowledged until now. Okay are you ready for some madness? haha
This lyric for me is expressing that the more I dig and work at knowing myself, the less I will "feel" understood by others. I've addressed in previous blogs the innate desire we all have to be known. The more I unravel and know myself, the more others have to try and fit "me" into some sort of understanding from their perspective. The connection to this lyric is how we keep going on our own separate journeys and people cross our paths and journey with us sometimes, but we're all so different that it takes some serious time and energy to really KNOW someone. I love the "alone and alive" part because it speaks to the fact that even when you may not feel like anyone is taking that "time and energy," it doesn't make your life and journey any less significant or influential. When I was beginning to think about what I wanted to write, a friend of mine came into the room and placed a bowl of miniature frosted mini wheats on the desk and said, "I saw these and had to bring you some because I know you love miniature things." And later another friend said, "No, don't change the song. I know Lee Ellen likes to listen all the way to the end of songs." And a friend I had not seen in years sent me a message recently saying that she still has all the little gifts I made for her years ago, which swells my heart because I love making things for people. I find it so comforting to know that some people out there care about me enough to have a file, or shoe box, or quilt of sorts in their brains marked, "this is lee ellen." I know I have quilts in my brain that continually collect information on many of you. There is still a certain "loneliness" I guess in discovering yourself and pursuing your passion because each are paths we have to take on our own in many ways. We blaze the trail alone for the deeper parts of ourselves. It's such an adventure though and almost feels like a rite of passage ya know? Maybe I'll continue walking alone for awhile......or maybe I'll see you tomorrow hiking up my path.....or maybe I'll find that I'm hiking to meet up with you.....exciting huh?

I visited Katie in Houston over the weekend! (in the picture above) I had the honor of visiting the Red Tree recording studio and play a few of my songs for one of the owners. I may be making some more trips down to Houston in the near future......there is some interesting stuff going on down there! Still sending out postcards, and postcards, and more postcards!

Remembories...... :c)

2009-09-16T00:26:00.003-05:00

AHHHH has it really been almost a month since my last post? I think of so many things that I want to tell you about on here but then a month later......... ok well on with it.

Last week, we recognized and remembered the events of September 11, 2001. One of my coworkers requested that our company gather together and pause for an entire minute to think about things we are grateful for and things that stand out in our memory. He mentioned that his reason for feeling led to do this stemmed from hearing a story recently about a woman calling the Police Department in her town because she was "inconvenienced" by a funeral procession on the way home from work. The funeral happened to be for a fallen soldier. And a friend recently introduced me to the band, Brand New. When I listen to a new artist, I typically listen through some songs and latch onto one for awhile. I have been listening to "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows" for the last few weeks. I watched a brief interview with the songwriter. He said it actually was written as a response to the realization that we have become desensitized almost to deaths. It's just another appointment in our schedule. Meeting, meeting, lunch, attend a funeral, meeting, meeting. Anyway, all of these things are very thought-provoking to me.

During my minute of reflection, I immediately saw an image in my memory of a man standing on a tractor, a field behind him, and the sun setting almost directly behind him on the horizon. His hand was holding his hat and placed over his heart. His facial expression, strong and respectful. My grandfather died over ten years ago and this is an image, a remembory :c) if you will, that is burned in my heart. I was riding in a baby blue limousine in Arkansas in a funeral procession for my grandfather, PePaw, and as we drove to the grave site we passed this field. The man working the field stopped his tractor, stood, removed his hat, placed his hand over his heart, and waited for the entire procession to pass. That, I will never forget.

This picture is of my grandfather and I. I am Lee because my mother's maiden name is Lee. I'm very honored to carry his name. I hope I never catch myself feeling inconvenienced in regards to honoring someone's life.....hmmm so many thoughts but more later. :c) hopefully not a month later.

Music News: I am playing at Cider Days on Walnut Street in Springfield, MO this weekend. Specifically, Saturday September 19th 1:30-2:00pm at the Music at the Inn Stage

I am also singing at a conference for college-aged women September 26th at the Gillioz Theater in Springfield, MO. Check out www.magdaleneproject.com for more information!

G'night! :c)

The Tales of Tolmi

2009-08-18T21:56:00.003-05:00

This is a recent picture of the Tolmster sleeping in my parents' dog's bed. They have a Cairn Terrier that is probably 1/3 the size of Tolmi........I adore this pic. :c)

Ok so I think I've mentioned before how Tolmi and the neighbor's dog have been digging holes toward each other under the fence. It's really kind of sweet. It's like the forbidden love or something ya know. The neighbor and I have conversations like, "Yeah crazy kids...." haha So the neighbor said that she was going to get some dirt to refill the holes....yes there are multiple. And I immediately thought, "Now why would she choose to do that? Because they will just dig it out again." I, on the other hand, threw a cinder block in the hole and looked at Tolmi like, "hehe now what?"

So from this little life demonstration, it would seem that my neighbor either really believes in the ability of others/dogs to make positive decisions or maybe enables negative behavior. And I, it would seem, either do not give others/dogs a chance to make positive or negative decisions or maybe live in fear of the worst so protect protect protect!

So I had one hole blocked with a cinder block, but another was still open. I let Tolmi outside Saturday morning, and when I came to let him back in he was through the hole up to his shoulders! When he popped his head back through, his collar was missing. I let him out later in the day, and went out to check on him. He was nowhere to be seen.... It's amazing how the heart pounding, mind racing thing kicks in immediately and you can only grab thoughts enough to verbalize the name. So I managed to yell, "Tolmi," a few times.....nothing........and then, he comes bounding through the back corner of the fence (the opposite side from the "holes" girlfriend). He looks at me as if saying, "Come look what I found," and then he turns around and goes back through. I run over in time to see him squeeze through the foliage-covered corner of the fence into the other neighbors backyard. He is frolicking around their backyard. I watch for a minute to see if he will get out of their fence and really be free. *Side note* My last dog slipped out the front door, ran straight to the street, was hit by a car, and died immediately. I heard him get hit from inside the house and we have a rather long driveway. Horrifying..... Anyway, so any sort of escaping FREAKS me out! So I run over to the neighbors and say, "umm my dog is in your backyard." He didn't have a collar because remember, he lost it so I catch him finally, pick up the 50 lb chunk, thank the neighbors profusely, and walk all the way back over to my house with Tolmi under my arm.

Sunday afternoon involved a trip to Lowe's for some tent pegs and chicken wire. Thanks to Dad, I secured the weakness in the fence. I have mixed feelings when I watch Tolmi run over to the blocked holes and fixed fence. Kind of that "caged bird" sort of thing. It gives me peace of mind to know he's safe and the competitive side of me grins to see he hasn't figured out another way out yet, but I also feel alittle sad to take his fun away. Whew! Anywho, I'm sure there will be more "Tales of Tolmi" so to be continued for now......

I'm still writing and sending postcards!! Also, I've got two new songs rolling around in my brain. One some of you have heard in draft form for now referred to as "Lullaby" and the other is really really new. Something about sunrises. Yay for new songs!

yeah that's me......

2009-08-04T20:30:00.003-05:00

I was recently playing at an outdoor gig and a friend from college was there. I sang the song that I played the first night I EVER played guitar and sang in front of a live audience of people other than family or close friends. Such a monumental experience.... Well this friend, Betsey, was there that night, Amateur Night on Drury University's campus, 2003. I know....I'm so dramatic. So she shouts out, "I was there." I was surprised by alittle validation that crept up in me in that moment. To be known is a human desire across the board I think. I caught myself thinking, "That really did happen because she was there and saw it happen." And so an unknown need was satisfied by the three words, "I was there." Anyway, so then Betsey shouts out, "Could you play that song you wrote about dancing?" I typically tie songs and albums to different memories or sections of my life. (ex. Lauryn Hill's The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill most definitely tied to the summer after my sophomore year in high school).

I do the same thing with songs I've written obviously for even more personal reasons. It's kind of two fold though because the song itself is about a past experience or experiences I've had and then secondly, I tie it to what I'm experiencing at the moments around the time I wrote the song. Does that make sense? I find that when a song sort of "falls" out of me, I realize what it's REALLY about after I've written it. Like oh?....oh! haha

so back to the original story......the song about "dancing" Betsey mentioned is the first song I ever wrote called, "Dance." Face value, it's about growing up as the girl who was not asked to dance at the dances. Now before you give me that gross, sad "awwww," on a deeper level it's about realizing I have unmet desires and needs and insecurities and......stuff. Now before you give me another gross, sad "awwww," it has a happy ending. :c) haha not because I'm fixed and have it figured though.....make no mistake! I was a senior in college when I wrote it though so this song also ties me to closing up the chapter of college and being anxious about what that all meant. So Betsey had no idea the flood of emotion she hacked into by surprising me with that request! haha If I know I'm gonna play it, I can prepare the boundaries as necessary.

I remember the first few times I sang "Dance" even for close friends and how I felt like going to put on a winter coat after playing it. I was sharing a side of me that I wasn't quite familiar with yet. "yeah that's me...." :c)

I'm sitting in a coffeeshop in Springfield, MO. A few bands just finished playing and are cleaning up. I think as a musician it's AS important to attend shows as it is to perform shows!! So refreshing and inspiring! Postcards are slowly but surely going out! I won't confirm the recording dates til I've written all the postcards......I've decided that because it's important to me to communicate with all of you. :c) It's AUGUST!!! crazy madness! g'night!

I slightly bicced my front yard today :c)

2009-07-24T23:16:00.003-05:00

So I actually love mowing the lawn, but I get around to it maybe once a month....ya know right before the neighborhood sicks city ordinance on me probably. And once a month just doesn't cut it ;) ;) for summer months in Missouri. So tonight, yes Friday night, I pulled out the old push mower from the rusted shed in my backyard and......mowed the lawn. I was having such a nice time that I thought I'd go over the front one more time and cut it shorter so maybe next month it wouldn't be quite the jungle it was today. I dare say I got slightly ambitious and left dirt patches where grass once was..... Tolmi was sitting on the front porch barking at every person that came by. I was listening to Ani DiFranco in one ear because one side on my headphones is dead. With the hum of the mower, I heard something new in her song, "Everest." I could really only hear the bass and the higher notes in her vocal melody. It was reminiscent of Billie Holiday!! Now, I did listen to some Billie today, but it completely caught me by surprise. The bass line held many qualities of the standards Miss Holiday made original, and Ani's higher range has a similarity I never noticed before to Billie's signature sound. hmm

Anway, I gave blood today! The reason that is note-worthy is that I have been trying for YEARS to give blood. I haven't pursued it, but I always sign up when a blood drive is nearby. So many different reasons it hasn't worked in the past......low iron, low iron, low iron, blood clotted before full pint, and last time I tried my heart rate was TOO high! I'm not afraid of needles so it wasn't that I was anxious. The nurse said sometimes people's resting heart rates are too high to give. oh but today, I was a lovely two digits below the disqualifying heart rate. All of that to say......

I'm terribly squemish with bloody situations. I'm not afraid of needles, but seeing blood triggers my gag reflex. So while mowing tonight, probably somewhere on the post-donating sheet "don't"s, I kept nervously expecting my right arm to suddenly start gushing blood like a geyser. I started the push mower using my left arm to avoid the geyser. I had taken the arm band off so I just had a regular bandaid there. I'm very task-oriented and completing tasks pushes me to my limits at times. So i kept glancing down at my arm as I mowed watching a little bit of blood slowly show up on the back of the bandaid. And I felt abit light-headed because I hadn't eaten dinner yet, but I could not stop.

Speaking of task-oriented, I kept thinking of interesting things to type on my blog tonight and there were SOOOOO many :c), but somehow they were all tied together and I didn't know how to only give you a piece so I just started with tonight. Otherwise, this would be terribly longer than it is already! Oh there are so many things I want to say......I guess you'll just have to hang out with me sometime...:c)

I am now the Executive Assistant to the president at my full time job, which means busy busy busy. I LOVE that, but please help me stay on track with my love for music. My friend, Vanessa Benkert, designed some postcards for me. She is going to help me with much of my merchandise/marketing/website designs so the postcards are a taste of that yumminess. Please send me your mailing address if you'd like a postcard from me. Thank you for all of your encouragement and support!!! And I'm still working on confirming recording dates but soon!!

I remember where I was....

2009-07-13T22:46:00.005-05:00

My friend, Mike Young, took this picture of me at the gig at the Potter's House, Saturday night. It was super muggy on the back porch, but for some reason it just seemed right to be out there. It made me think of my first gig at the PoHo (Potter's House). I played a show as Beyond the Fleece with "my boys," John Whitaker and Dustin Tompkins. :c) This was our band name in college at Drury University. Remembering that lovely time made me think of my first "gig" ever by myself. I was interning in a tiny town a little drive from Philadelphia, PA called Womelsdorf....yes Womelsdorf. :c) A short drive down the main drag and you were quickly in Robesonia, PA. My fellow interns and I found ourselves at a bar in Robesonia called Goodfellas behind the family-owned Italian restaurant, Giannotti's, one night. When the house band took a smoke break, the owner of the bar came over and asked if any of us could play something because he knew we were all music therapists. Teryn, the intern that lived in the room next to mine, pointed at me saying, "This girl sings in her room every night! She's awesome!" I figured people could hear me sing in my room, but no one had commented on it at that point. So blushing all the while, the lead singer let me borrow her acoustic and I played my song, "Stare." Long story short (haha right....), the owner, Andre Giannotti, asked me to play there once a week. I will never forget that. I still get nervous every time I play, but this was the childlike fear of new experiences. I would just come in with a janky microphone and an amp, and sometimes no equipment at all. haha Thanks to Goodfellas and the Giannottis for that encouragement and support from my very beginning as a wee little artist! :c)

p.s. I spoke with David Smith of VanSmith Studios. He gave me several dates to choose from for recording so I'm on my way to cashing in my wonderful, wonderful birthday present! A friend of mine designed some postcards for me so I will hopefully be mailing those out soon. I will send some emails and facebook to get correct mailing addresses for all you amazing individuals that inspire and motivate me so much.

Gig tonight starts at 9:30 instead of 8!!!

2009-07-11T14:45:00.001-05:00

Introducing...........Tolmi Soccer!

2009-07-07T23:22:00.003-05:00

Let me take this moment to apologize for my ridiculous "talking to Tolmi" voice in this video.... Tolmi does this on a regular basis at my house, but he usually stops before I get the camera out. I find it extremely entertaining so I thought I'd share. :c)

So I took Tolmi for a walk right as the sun set below the horizon today. Ya know when it looks like everything is lit from the light down the hall. I caught myself thinking about how I always admire those parents that I see out with the strollers, taking a walk with the kids. It seems like another thing to add into a crazy, busy day so thank you to those parents! But I feel like I was let in on a little secret tonight...... As I walked Tolmi, I felt satisfied because I was doing something for Tolmi and he was undoubtedly pleased. Then, I noticed that I was relaxing even with the consistent tug on my arm from Tolmi reminding of the reality of the moment. It's some mixture of that lifeline anchoring you in reality, plus the way the air comes at you when walking briskly that happens to give you the opportunity to let go for abit. I was suddenly seeing everything creatively, fairly comfortable in my own skin, and every thought I had about my surroundings seemed almost like the beginning of a poem....or a song maybe. I walked through a little park, and noticed a significant increase in lightning bugs all around. Then, I walked past a hospital and noticed the lack of lightning bugs in the grassy areas in that area. Many symbolic, life thoughts about the bugs themselves and why they congregate where they do and how that relates to people and the fact that their lights blink off and on........yes many thoughts........ah but I need to take Tolmi on walks more often in the cool of the evening.

Music update: I'm playing a gig at the Potter's House this Saturday, July 11th. Probably around 8pm, but I'll confirm that as soon as I know! Good night! :c)

Life threw a hubcap at me yesterday....

2009-06-23T12:57:00.002-05:00

So I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I should just not drive..... After my hydroplaning, median-hitting incident, I recently found out that I have a bent wheel AND apparently need four new tires. SO I went to a wedding this weekend in Memphis and do not A) have the new wheel yet and B) currently have the money for four new tires. Due to all of this, I opted to rent a car this weekend to drive to Memphis. On my way back Monday afternoon, I was doing my best to avoid semis, certain that their tires might peel off their wheels and slap my tiny Nissan Sentra at any moment. And lo and behold.......I'm driving in the middle lane and the car in the right lane ahead of me has a complete blowout and the hubcap comes flying at my car!!!! i mean really? I swerve alittle but can't move to the left lane because a car is next to me so the little Sentra eats the hubcap. I look in my rear view mirror to make sure it doesn't get stuck under the car and sure enough it rolls on out behind me. I'm thankful it didn't fly up and hit the windshield or anything, but really? meh so hopefully there was no other damage to the rental.....

anywho! this pic (note the date) is from when I spent a semester in Greece. I recently used the backpack in the picture for a weekend trip. Immediately when I began packing, I remembered packing that tiny backpack for a 9 day spring break trip visiting Paris, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. I think I packed like two or three outfits, wore some sandals, and tied my hiking boots to the outside of the backpack. Great memories! And of course, I found a horse to get a picture with while in Greece.......they just make me happy! :c) This pic was actually taken in Thessaloniki, Greece, I believe.

Music update: I recently met with three talented ladies to discuss album artwork, business cards, merch items, and anything else marketing-wise we could think of. I'm hoping to schedule my recording hours for late July or sometime in August. And there is a show with the lovely and talented Liz Sapp in the works! I'll post the details as soon as we get that ironed out......hm i should probably use irons sometimes..... anyway all weekend I listened to The Be Good Tanyas, Hello Love album! so good! tata! or in Greek, Yasas!

harmony...

2009-06-08T16:46:00.002-05:00

I love to hear harmony in songs....good harmony that is. It can make me cry or just freeze me i guess. I've been listening to Tony Lucca and Ernie Halter harmonize alot lately. I love their voices together. I also enjoy the three part harmony of the Wailin' Jennys and also Jenny Lewis' album with twins.....their names escape me. Harmony is so intimate to me. I found in thinking about my "history of harmony" that I rarely let others harmonize with me.

See here's the "lee ellen's strange world" take on harmony. If I harmonize with your melody, then I'm caring and supporting you as you travel through the song. It's funny because in real life this is really foreign and difficult for me, but I find it easy and natural in song. On the other hand when you harmonize with me you're caring and supporting me through a song. I find this very difficult to do in songs, but very easy in life.

I'm sure I have had people harmonize with me randomly, but if it's a practiced song for a performance it's different. I feel closer to the person after letting them sing harmony for me....... I TOLD YOU it was strange! I learn something new about myself every day. What have you learned about yourself today? haha

I recently found out what I thought was 9 hours in the studio will end up being 12 HOURS!!! so thank you thank you thank you everyone! I'm hoping to get two 6 hour days scheduled in July. I'll keep you updated. Summer is here. Drive with the windows down. :c)

near death....always?

2009-05-23T23:30:00.007-05:00

So you probably watched this before reading and I just want to clarify that even though I smiled and laughed alot in the video I am freaked out by what happened. I was shaking for a good 15 minutes or so after it happened, and am so so so grateful that no one else was hurt, I wasn't hurt, and my truck wasn't hurt aside from an exclamation point light that came on.....(tire pressure maybe?) I usually use humor naturally when i'm uncomfortable or freaked out by things.

So obviously I had all these thoughts of "wow, I could've died just then.....that could've been it....." and things like that. I was on my way to meet up with one of my best friends so when I got there I told her about it, but then I went to a wedding rehearsal and didn't say anything to anyone about it. It's weird to think that everyday we're having "near death experiences", but we really are. So many of us have "trust issues", but sheesh we get into huge boxes of metal everyday and "trust" the drivers around us to follow the traffic rules. Every time we walk into a public place we are "trusting" that someone hasn't made plans to conceal a weapon under their coat and turn on an innocent bystander. The other strange timing thing is I had just written an email to a friend about musicians that died really young and some of those deaths were just freak accidents. It makes me think of that movie American Beauty where he narrates the last day of his life. I mean I was doing such normal things today...

I still haven't processed everything, but i'm alright. I don't mean to make this seem like a morbid, fear everyday life message....it was just thought provoking. My life didn't flash before my eyes though. All I remember thinking was "no I can't get in another accident" and my mom telling me about a bumper sticker she saw that said, "trucks may rock, but they also roll." After all that, I had to drive to Branson in drizzly weather and all I wanted to do was never drive again. I think it was that "Get right back on the horse after it bucks you off," mindset that got me where I needed to go today. Thank You, Lord, for wanting me here alittle longer.

Unexpected inspiration....

2009-05-17T19:02:00.002-05:00

.......is maybe the best kind.

I randomly found this Lori McKenna song today. I was doing other things and started crying out of nowhere. I sat down and listened to it 3 times.....yes 3 times......crying the whole time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FbU8Kd4CHs

I'm not sure of all the places the contents of this song is reverberating in my little soul, but I was hit hard. I typically react quickly to things, but it takes me a bit to figure out the roots of my reaction. And please don't put me in the box of "that girl" that just wants to be married......I considered that already but no, it's hitting me somewhere else. Ask me in a few days I suppose....

But back to my unexpected inspiration.... so we had vending machines installed in our office building on Friday. Inspiring? Well the dictionary tell us that inspiration is to "fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence." So yes for me. My boss asked me to kind of supervise and make sure the machines ended up in the right spot. Well I'm sure I could have just showed them the spot and gone back to my day, but something kept me there. They probably thought I was watching out of a lack of trust in their integrity or skill but no, I was just intrigued. There are so many calculations and spatial guess and check decisions that go into this process. I mean these are large machines squeezing through some tiny doorways. It's a wonder they don't have to completely construct the machine on the spot. So sidenote, I love puzzles and simply found myself in awe of their ability to maneuver and angle things just right when it looked like there was no way passage would occur. I got home later and almost literally walked to my bedroom, stared at my oversized desk, and pulled out a gauntlet or asked it to dance or something. I have been wanting to move that desk out of my room for awhile, but honestly couldn't remember how I moved it in. So for about 30 minutes I was hoisting this glass top oversized desk to balance on my thighs and trying to angle it through the doorway. I'm pretty sure I tried every way possible before pulling it up vertical and maneuvering it through and safely out to the garage. I have huge bruise lines across both thighs from balancing the edge of the glass on them, but it was SO worth the victory. :c)

So music update!! For my birthday, many many friends joined together to give me studio time!!!! I have 9 more hours in VanSmith Studios where my previous tracks were recorded. I am so excited and hope to at best get three more songs in that time to put together a 5 track little album! Thank you to everyone for giving such a great gift and all the encouragement along the way!!!

I want to turn your pages.....

2009-05-06T21:12:00.004-05:00

So I've been listening to alot of Ernie Halter and Tony Lucca this week. A friend introduced me to them via the lovely world of youtube. Here is a good sample of them together! They are individual artists, though, with great original songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QSLbyqmq0s

Ernie Halter does a cover of Pretty Girl that I love. That's where the title of my post comes from today. In this song, the girl is referred to as a magazine and he follows up with "I want to turn your pages." And he also mentions the phrase, "to know her is to love her." That is so true with girls. We feel loved when someone knows us well. Even at work today, a husband surprised his wife with a drink from Sonic I think and he knew exactly what to get her......and i'm not talking a regular Dr. Pepper. It was something fancier. It just means something so deep to girls to be known in whatever detail. For example.....my birthday was Monday and my parents drove in Saturday to go to the ArtsFest and listen to me play. My Mom made this quilt for me!!! My dad chose the fabric on the back and the verse embroidered on the back. I LOVE details. My mom named the quilt "Eleni's Tulips". I studied abroad in Greece for a semester and Eleni is my Greek name. Tulips are my favorite flower. My mom thought the fabrics were all watery colors so she embroidered the names of all the places I visited in Europe while abroad. Ah and thank you to everyone that came to the show on Saturday!!! Your faces are such a comfort to me and make me somehow more into it because I feel that to an extent you either understand or want to understand. So thank you Anne, Lesley, Kris, Terry, Candy, Mike, Teresa, Mom, Dad, Adam, Katherine, Cayla, Brett, Dominic, Lui, Jay, Brett, Bev, Melissa, the man in the back wearing a hoodie that likes Van Morrison, and whoever else I didn't know or may have missed. mm you guys bless my heart!

I'm playing again this Saturday from 3-3:50pm-ish on Commercial Street in Springfield, MO at the C-Street Jam. There will be several stages of different styles of music throughout the evening. I will be at the Footbridge stage. I'm told that it is cheaper to buy your tickets before the event. I hope to see you there!!! :c)

Videos!!!

2009-04-17T08:43:00.002-05:00

I also posted a couple of videos on YouTube!! i'm going to try to keep adding those on a regular basis so hold me accountable. ya know...... write threatening comments on my fb wall, leave me ridiculously long voicemail messages about what i should do with my life :c), and instead of greeting me just look me in the eye, maybe cup my face in your hands, and with incredible intensity say, "video....". I'm really excited about the two gigs I have set up in May!!! And lately, I've been listening to Emily Elbert! Check out her music!!

so much!

2009-04-14T22:54:00.004-05:00

Life....how do weeks go by in a moment? so the first thing I thought of writing here happened about a week after my last post. It has stayed burned in my brain since then. Certainly other poignant things have happened, but this stole my attention and in ways still has it. I was in a group discussion about love, relationships, and what men desire vs. women. Now before you think, "oh so this is about...." hear me out. The discussion was stating how men long to feel honored and respected by their wives while women desire to be emotionally intimate and loved by their husbands. Of course, this wasn't proclaiming either gender only needs one or the other, but for the most part the priority is different for men vs. women. So what stood out to me was when this man, probably in his 70s maybe, spoke up in the group. He spoke about how a few years ago he and his wife were in another country doing mission work. She had a physical ailment that required some help walking. He said that he held her hand alot simply to steady her and help her along the way. Several people on the trip kept commenting when seeing them holding hands, "awww look they're still so in love." The man said he kept thinking, "I'm just trying to help her walk." Then.......his eyes got misty, this beautiful, wise man, and he said, "it really is true that you don't realize how much you love someone until you lose them." His wife had passed away some time after that trip. I think it struck me so deeply because 1) I don't see men cry much, and 2) I definitely don't see older generation men cry much. I wanted to hug him because it felt, in some way, like an emotion everyone needs to express but doesn't. I think, unfortunately, it's almost taboo to say/show how you really feel....whether it's about a situation or another person. Then, yesterday I had to take a personality test for the place I work and it had this quote in it.

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." -Benjamin Disraeli.

Anyway, I have so much more I want to write, but I don't want to bog down one post with too much. I just felt insanely blessed by the above-mentioned discussion because it included three different generations of people and, not to be too out there, but I seriously felt my soul expand or something just taking it all in. :c) Cheers!

P.S. I just found out that I'll be playing on the Acoustic Stage at the ArtsFest on Walnut St. Saturday, May 2nd from 2:30-3:30pm. I LOVE the ArtsFest!! Come and support the Arts in Springfield!!!

the little things!

2009-03-25T00:10:00.003-05:00

This, my dear friends, is my dog, Tolmi or Tolms, Tolmer, Buddy Bear, Tolm, Boober, Sweetah and so many more. :c) I took this pic tonight because Tolmi ran back to my bedroom while I was in the kitchen. I was sure that he was up to some mischievous mayhem, but when I got back there he was just laying down on my pile of dirty clothes... I just changed the sheets on my bed and he's mainly laying on the sheets I just took off my bed. aww sweet buddy :c) I found myself smiling at the fact that Tolmi typically likes the things about me that no one else would like. Dirty clothes, smelly feet, when I drop things in the kitchen, etc. It's good for my little soul to be reminded that somebody, rather dog or person :c), likes even the yucky stuff about me.

Random Tolmi fact: Tolmi likes to "show off" when I sit on the back porch. So sometimes I give him huge carrots to eat, and he's such a sneaky guy that somehow one ended up outside. I burned so many calories laughing and smiling while he played with a carrot, throwing it up in the air, catching it, then running away from it, then looking at me to see if I'm watching, then picking it up and carrying it around like a cigar. mmmmm such a lovely life moment...

Anyway, I posted two new songs on mySpace! "A House to Clean" and "How Should I Feel?" www.myspace.com/leeellenstarks Check them out and let me know what you think?

I also figured out how to put videos on Youtube, thank you Dominic, so I will be posting some videos as soon as I get past the voice altering part of this cold I have!

Spring is here! Enjoy!!

Tonight's gig!

2009-03-19T12:51:00.003-05:00

I'm playing tonight at Big Momma's on Commercial Street. My friend, Elizabeth Losson, will be playing from 7:30-8:15pm. We will play a few together and then I will play 8:15-9:00pm. I hope to see you there!!

P.S. Do your life a favor and check out this guy, James Morrison. Here is one link of him playing live, but check out all the live videos on YouTube of him playing and SINGING!!! mmm mmm mmm I love his voice and commitment to the lyrics emotionally.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JO64nfF1KrQ

Correction! Self-Employed Artists Conference

2009-03-17T21:41:00.005-05:00

So Saturday I went to the SEA Conference here in Springfield. Silly me, I understood it to be a "Songwriter's Conference".......but no, no it was not. :c) But it turned out to be better for me than what i expected because it was all about the things I'm hesitant to do when it comes to a music career.

So the big neon blinking sign that I left with from the conference is, "If you are working a 9-5 job and doing music in the evenings and on weekends, you are a hobbyist. If you are living off your art, you are an artist." And, "Be honest with yourself about where you are on the spectrum." Well I am completely on the left side of that spectrum (hobbyist). So I have all these new things to think about, which come with numerous fears!

Do I really want to work toward being an "artist" living off her art?

How do I do that?

Can I do that?

Is that how music is supposed to fit in my life?

Should I be content with being a hobbyist?

Are my fears fears to overcome or fears to warn against moving in the wrong direction?

.......haha just to name a few...... The speakers at the conference said several times that independent artists have to wear all the hats unless you have tons of money to pay others. Well a) I do not have tons of money and b) I don't know that I can honestly wear all the necessary hats.....but i do love hats..... :c) ------------->

So I'm currently feeling overwhelmed but balanced by a good measure of hope and comfort that I don't have to make anything happen. I'm trying to figure out where I should reside between pursuit and patience, confidence and humility, and openness and boundary. So my mind is busy, but I hope I'm able to accomplish some tasks in the midst of my distracting thoughts....not really a multitasker........at all.

I'm playing at Lindberg's on Commercial Street Thursday March 19th! Elizabeth Losson will be playing as well! I'm not sure what time yet......I believe it begins around 7? I'll update when I find out. Happy St. Patty's Day!!! I forgot to wear green today......don't even get me started...... G'night!!

....those three words.....

2009-03-07T14:31:00.006-06:00

So first of all......I got a truck!!!! ahh i would be happy to never have to peruse another car lot in my life. i realize it's probably inevitable, but i'm hoping to drive this truck for many many many......many years. :c)
As for the subject of this post, love has been on my brain lately. I've been very aware of how others love me and how i choose to love others. I've noticed a trend in saying "those three words." It's no longer three words.....it's only two words. I keep hearing, "ok talk to you later. Love you." Yes, ladies and gentlemen, "love you" has replaced the three classic words used throughout history to express love verbally. Three words wasn't short enough? Efficiency efficiency efficiency!
Why does this bother me? Well, if you know me well, you know that I have been trudging through that murkiness for as long as it takes to find out. It bothers me that we, yes i'm including myself in this conundrum, have taken the ownership out of loving each other. "Love you,"......who loves you? "I love you," leaves no room for speculation as to who is doing the loving. I cringe every time I catch myself saying this to someone else, but yet.....I rarely correct my statement of "love you" to say "no, I love you."
To me, the correct understanding of this altered statement, "Love you," is actually a command telling 'you' to love yourself. If someone says, "Feed Sarah," we don't understand it to mean, "I feed Sarah." No, it means "You feed Sarah." Does that make sense? Since the true joy comes from the act of loving others, why not own it? Anyway, these are my thoughts. Comments and feedback are certainly welcome. :c) Well, music update! I will be recording one of my songs at Sean Lea's studio in Springfield, MO soon! I'm working my way up to having enough songs to make an album. :c) Thanks again to everyone that's been asking for a cd! It's very encouraging and motivating for me to finish one for you to have!! Well, I am going to take a walk with my dog, Tolmi, in this lovely weather. More to come soon!

Two words.......chai cupcakes......

2009-02-24T21:04:00.005-06:00

I am so overwhelmed lately with kindness from so many! It is certainly not a bad way to be overwhelmed. :c)

For those of you new to the madness that mixes together to make up me, I LOVE to be cared for. I'm quite independent, but if you willingly "hold me up" in any way I definitely receive it. Now, one might say, "who doesn't like to be cared for?" I think that everyone deep down likes it, but not everyone is able to receive it easily or well. I receive it well, but get all freaked out when attempting to actively care for others.

I say that to offer great appreciation to the people that have been encouraging and loving me. I love when people make me things. A friend I've known since freshman year of college came to town and stayed with me last night. She brought me homemade cupcakes......chai tea cupcakes. Somehow she steeped some chai tea and put it into the cake mix and made a special spice-ish frosting! Another fact about me, I love miniature things......from my brother's micro machines to travel sized things to......chai cupcakes. Thanks, Sarah. :c)

Four of my family members came into Springfield to visit me this weekend! Thanks Mom, Dad, SB, and KB!

This picture was taken by Mike. He and his wife attended the show at Big Momma's Thursday night. He took this pic of me and posted a blurb about his experience on his blog. Thank you for the encouragement, Mike. Your words mean so much. Check out his blog http://ozarkphotos.blogspot.com

Thanks to everyone that has posted on here or encouraged me in any way. It's amazing what a difference you make.

p.s. I stopped listening to "Thinking of You" because it was negatively affecting my mood, but I love her song "I Think I'm Ready"............ I CAN relate to that one :c)

-lee ellen

2009-02-16T22:20:00.005-06:00

so......i have a confession to make........it's not bad, just not what i'd expect myself to be confessing i guess. so the last few days i have been listening to a song from the radio.......

ummmm "Thinking of You" by Katy Perry it's kind of addictive to me. should i be concerned? :c) i don't have a personal connection with the lyrics, which tends to usually be my pull toward a song. I would say I would like to cover it sometime, but I can't honestly sing the lyrics and stay true to myself so I guess I won't. I will resign to singing it in the car and while I clean the house and stuff...but man it's fun to sing. it's really the melody line of the chorus somehow.....i don't know....i'm a bit baffled by it. it kind of makes me think of how it seems readers of the Twilight series feel. I get concerned about HOW taken people are with "not being able to put the book down" and such. I'm not concerned about the content as much as the somehow entrancing, mesmerizing affect it seems to have on EVERYONE. hmmm anyway......

my car is totaled. i HAVE to buy a vehicle ummm yesterday. i'm a smidge picky. i hate making decisions.

all of these truths are quite frustrating when smooshed all together into my current situation. R.I.P to the Tracer. She took me as far north as Womelsdorf, PA and south to Baton Rouge, LA.

UPDATE! I'm playing with several other amazing local musicians at Big Momma's on Commercial Street Thursday, February 19th. My set is at 8:40pm! I'm going to play my NEW song!!!

Post-recording....

2009-02-10T12:47:00.004-06:00

So let me just begin this post with how not computer saavy I happen to be. When I began typing this post, there was a setting that was automatically translating everything I typed into Hindi......yes....hm. anyway, I ACTUALLY found the place to fix that! So instead of reading this post with a Hindi to English translator necessary, you get English. You're welcome. :c)

I recorded Saturday!! I was dreading it abit because I typically dislike recording, but I.....wait for it......enjoyed it! There were a few frustrating parts, but the friends that came along with me were there for me in every way I needed them. Thanks Katherine, Jen, and Ben! And thanks to everyone for your support and prayers. I definitely felt cared for and loved! I recorded "How Should I Feel?" and "A House to Clean." I will take this week to listen to them and make sure I think they are finished then I'll post them on myspace. www.myspace.com/leeellenstarks

So today, I have been listening to and watching this video, "Broken Telephone" by The Be Good Tanyas over and over. It's not their official video, but I think a high school class made it. I discovered them via Pandora, and cannot stop listening to them. I also love their songs "Hello Love," "Don't You Fall," "Human Thing," "In Spite of All the Damage," and "Only in the Past," oh and "Midnight Moonlight.".......yeah i kinda like them :c) Here's the video link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBBG0Xw_BE8

p.s. I have an open mic coming up on Feb. 19th! Details to come.....

The strangest things warm my heart......

2009-02-04T23:26:00.007-06:00

Yes.....this looks like just a rather large bowl of spaghetti next to a pudding snak pak in high school cafeteria lighting......but no no....no no.. I do the accounting for a place called the Potter's House and had to go there Monday night to "work". I was dreading going because it had been a long weekend of traveling and little sleep. I walk in to find a house full of girls smiling, cooking, and tending to a counter FULL of desserts. I had to reorient myself because I really thought I had stepped into an alternate universe somehow. These smiling faces were the girls of Gamma Alpha Lambda (GAL) on the MSU campus. They offered to fix me a plate (strangely at 8pm I still had not eaten dinner) and then said, "Hey do you want all these leftovers?" Later as I worked upstairs, one of the girls brought up a huge silver platter (no joke) of spaghetti and sauce and laid it on the desk. I forgot to take a pic of it while on the massive platter, but it completely made my night. I smiled so much sitting there with a mountain of spaghetti and sauce.....who knew? a silver platter of spaghetti and sauce warms my heart.....take note i guess. :c) Thank you to GAL! You definitely lifted my spirits!! And thank you for all you do at the Potter's House!

so i'm recording on Saturday!!!! Next week I will let you in on the utter mayhem that will undoubtedly occur....Remind me to tell you about my car situation....

lee ellen :c)

mmm snow.....

2009-01-27T20:35:00.004-06:00

I.......love.........winter. I know I know......especially people in Missouri and Arkansas right now are all thinking, "bleh, who could love winter?" Yep, me. I actually bundled up tonight, made myself some mint hot chocolate, and sat out on my front porch to be out in the cold watching the snow fall. I was watching from the window, but it wasn't enough....so I had to be out there. There's something terribly romantic about snow falling at night. It's so clean at that point and somehow everything is really still.....like any sound would interrupt the creation of something.

But for a music update, I started two new songs last Wednesday night! I haven't written anything new in a while so I was so glad they poured out. I am trying to commit a couple hours every Wednesday night to writing and home recording music. Keep me accountable, friends! I actually revised and re-recorded one of the songs tonight! The first line at this point is, "My bed's not made...." haha hmmmm

As I type this, I'm trying to upload some videos to YouTube. Please offer me some help here. My videos have been uploading for the length it takes James Earl Jones to read the Bible so I'm certain I've done something wrong.... Anywho, Happy Winter!!! :c)

my first blog!

2009-01-20T20:48:00.009-06:00

Welcome to the ever-intriguing.....or at least entertaining world of my daily life! I will be updating this blog regularly to keep you informed about my music. For the first post, I just wanted to let you know that I'm scheduled to begin recording my first CD February 7th!!! woohoo! To serve a little appetizer....here's a clip of me singing an old folk song at a gig in 2007....i love singing this song :c)